IMPATIENT!

lately i've been tuned into my crazy insane impatience problem and have realized how much it rules the way i think, feel and act. people have always told me how chilled out and mellow i am. and i suppose i took that upon myself, thinking the same. but upon further inspection, i see a bit of anxiety coupled with serious impatience. i want what i want when i want it. right NOW!

and when i don't get it when i want it, i get frustrated can do stupid things.

it must have been a learned trait from my father, mr. impatience himself. the guy was scary when it came to having to wait around for something. the punctuality thing was the worst. if i was ONE MINUTE LATE, i'd get it. "no one wants to wait around meg," he'd scold. he sure as hell didn't. or what about those dreaded trips to the amusement parks on a busy day. a line? for a stupid ride? FORGET IT. he even had the nerve to cut the line on occassion. what a bastard! i say this, but when it come right down to it, i've tried to cut a line before. and don't particularly like waiting for late people either.

but what i've found out is that my real impatience problem comes to not letting things unfold slowly. like relationships for example. when i figure out that i like someone, i like them. i want to be around them all the time. and don't want to wait til next week to see them. or wait for those 5 or 10 dates until we have sex. why does it have to be this slow progression thing? i guess because it's the healthy thing to do. i've never been able to practice the gradual build up. maybe that's why i'm still single? getting to really know someone before jumping the gun seems wise.

learning, always learning. they say admitting the problem is the first step.

note to self: CHILL THE FUCK OUT DUDE.