6 days of rest and relaxation in sunny california have proven to be just the right medicine for getting my old self back on track. this xmas has been really nice. i didn't stress out about buying gifts or making gifts. i spent about one day on each task which isn't bad compared to what normally happens. the family situation has been relatively stress-free too. i mean there's the usual guilt that comes up but i've been actively trying not to let it get to me.
xmas day was nice as well. opening presents (loaded up on the goods... including some essential items for my apartment and the coveted travel backpack for my upcoming trips), dinner with family and family friends, a visit by more local friends for dessert, and yummy holiday martinis that got me well-toasted (made the day go rather smoothly). no drama or arguments ensued. and it turned into a lovely 75 degree day. not too shabby.
all in all i'm feeling pretty darn good. no bad thoughts clouding my mind. and i'm excited for my little excursion to LA to visit some of my favorite people. i'm expecting some rowdy times ahead. i'm thinking this trip may be the perfect combo of vegging out and partying. woo-hoo.
Monday, December 26, 2005
Tuesday, December 20, 2005
transit strike
no work for me today. well, not at the office at least. i'm telecommuting from home which is nice. i'm so glad i don't have to deal with walking across the bridge and into the hell that is manhattan today. been watching the news and it looks like a nightmare. plus, it's 26 degrees out. who wants to deal with walking in that? the boss man called me at 7am this morning seeing if i wanted a ride with him into the city. unfortunately (or should i say fortunately) i couldn't because i had a scheduled doctor's appt. so he asked if i could telecommute today which sounded good to me.
then at 9 the doc called and had to cancel. she couldn't get to her office. so not only did i get out of going to work, i also didn't have to deal with walking through brooklyn to my appt. it's a home day. i was toying with the idea of walking into the city to get some errands done but getting there sounds too difficult. i think i'll forget it call it a pajama day. woo-hoo! let's just hope i can get myself to JFK tomorrow! that could prove difficult. but fingers crossed that it isn't. i want my 75 degree california vacation!
then at 9 the doc called and had to cancel. she couldn't get to her office. so not only did i get out of going to work, i also didn't have to deal with walking through brooklyn to my appt. it's a home day. i was toying with the idea of walking into the city to get some errands done but getting there sounds too difficult. i think i'll forget it call it a pajama day. woo-hoo! let's just hope i can get myself to JFK tomorrow! that could prove difficult. but fingers crossed that it isn't. i want my 75 degree california vacation!
Friday, December 16, 2005
full speed ahead
i found a therapist. that i really like. and i'm actually (can't believe i'm going to say this) excited about this new endevour. i always thought therapy was so self-indulgent. that you just go on and on about your problems and the therapist says "uh huh, uh huh. and how did that make you feel?" sounded so boring. i was much happier keeping my own crap shoved deep down or bitching about my issues to my friends. but this time, the pain was so bad, i couldn't ignore it any longer and i knew it was time.
i was refered to a woman by a friend. she came highly recommended, so i set up an appointment earlier this week. i was nervous to go, not knowing anything about her or how therapy worked for that matter. but as soon as she opened the door, i knew i liked her. a good sign. she basically just wanted to get to know me a little bit to see if we were a "fit." it was hard to talk about myself at first, but once i got more comfortable i started to ramble on about this and that. and she already had some interesting insight. i immediately felt better. not that my problems were instantly solved, but just knowing that i was taking steps to dealing with all the stuff i usually choose to ignore. progress for 2006 i say! we'll see where this all goes. but i'm just happy to know that i'm taking action instead of whining about my life and feeling sorry for myself.
i was refered to a woman by a friend. she came highly recommended, so i set up an appointment earlier this week. i was nervous to go, not knowing anything about her or how therapy worked for that matter. but as soon as she opened the door, i knew i liked her. a good sign. she basically just wanted to get to know me a little bit to see if we were a "fit." it was hard to talk about myself at first, but once i got more comfortable i started to ramble on about this and that. and she already had some interesting insight. i immediately felt better. not that my problems were instantly solved, but just knowing that i was taking steps to dealing with all the stuff i usually choose to ignore. progress for 2006 i say! we'll see where this all goes. but i'm just happy to know that i'm taking action instead of whining about my life and feeling sorry for myself.
Monday, December 12, 2005
this old lady
how can 1 night of relatively hard dancing poop this old lady out in such a major way? PATHETIC!
so friday night was good. it was really good. it was one of the those perfect friday nights that started out just right and just kept getting better.
it began with indrani picking me up and taking me to her friend's party that wasn't too far. we were the first to arrive and it was mellow. a typical boys apartment with turntables playing hip hop, basketball on in the corner, plenty of cheap beer in the fridge. but the key was the apple cider warming on the stove. some hot toddie action for a cold winter's night. ah! met some nice new people and moved on to the next party.
a little bigger and seemingly better... an enormous fancy loft with hip decor, a groovy live band playing, a full bar and a keg of good beer. the crowd was little older, a bit subdued and not as friendly as the boys party. so we stocked up on the free goods and headed to the next stop soon after.
the highlight of the night was the five spot where rich medina was spinning. it had been some time since i'd been to a dance night, so i was ready to cut the rug. i was pleasantly surprised to see a crowd of all shades, dressed to the funky brooklyn nines, getting D-O-W-N. these people were not there to be seen, they were there to DANCE (although they all sure looked good). it was reminiscent of the fort green park sunday afternoon dance parties... circles forming and dancers performing... routines, dance battles, just plain showing off. amazing. don't know where those folks get their energy. watching them got me going and i tried my hardest to keep up. i was a sweaty mess, really feeling the beats (fela, fertile ground remixes, old school house, broken beat... my favorites!). but by 4am i was done.
the sad part was that i woke up the next morning in shear pain. my whole body hurt. my neck felt like i'd been to a head-banger's ball. and it got worse the next day. i needed a massage like none other. i obviously did not take the necessary pre-dance precautions. i should have known better. i'd like to think i can still keep up with the best of them but cold hard truth is that i'm just not as young as i used to be.
so friday night was good. it was really good. it was one of the those perfect friday nights that started out just right and just kept getting better.
it began with indrani picking me up and taking me to her friend's party that wasn't too far. we were the first to arrive and it was mellow. a typical boys apartment with turntables playing hip hop, basketball on in the corner, plenty of cheap beer in the fridge. but the key was the apple cider warming on the stove. some hot toddie action for a cold winter's night. ah! met some nice new people and moved on to the next party.
a little bigger and seemingly better... an enormous fancy loft with hip decor, a groovy live band playing, a full bar and a keg of good beer. the crowd was little older, a bit subdued and not as friendly as the boys party. so we stocked up on the free goods and headed to the next stop soon after.
the highlight of the night was the five spot where rich medina was spinning. it had been some time since i'd been to a dance night, so i was ready to cut the rug. i was pleasantly surprised to see a crowd of all shades, dressed to the funky brooklyn nines, getting D-O-W-N. these people were not there to be seen, they were there to DANCE (although they all sure looked good). it was reminiscent of the fort green park sunday afternoon dance parties... circles forming and dancers performing... routines, dance battles, just plain showing off. amazing. don't know where those folks get their energy. watching them got me going and i tried my hardest to keep up. i was a sweaty mess, really feeling the beats (fela, fertile ground remixes, old school house, broken beat... my favorites!). but by 4am i was done.
the sad part was that i woke up the next morning in shear pain. my whole body hurt. my neck felt like i'd been to a head-banger's ball. and it got worse the next day. i needed a massage like none other. i obviously did not take the necessary pre-dance precautions. i should have known better. i'd like to think i can still keep up with the best of them but cold hard truth is that i'm just not as young as i used to be.
Tuesday, December 06, 2005
cold
it's cold here. i have a cold. and my poor heart is like ice. ha!
that was pretty bad. but it's true. been dealing with the winter that is now here.
i got sick last weekend and have been dealing with a few days of feeling like crap. and i'm still mending my broken heart. i'm surprised at how long this seems to be taking. i'm usually pretty quick to get over these things but this one was different so i guess it's taking longer. people keep saying it'll get better in time. but it's been over 3 weeks and i don't feel much different than i did a few weeks ago. keeping busy seems to be the only thing that takes my mind off sad thoughts but when i get home i go to the bad place and it's no picnic.
truth be told, i'm in the midst of looking for a therapist. i just think this stuff i'm dealing with might be years of shoving down my emotions and it seems to have come to a head. it's time to take a look inside and i feel as though i need an unbiased opinion to help me sort through these cluttered thoughts. it's seems so beyond me that when someone asks what's wrong, all i can say is "i don't know." it's buried that deep. so it's high time i do something about it. what can it hurt really?
i am excited to go home for the holidays. i'm happy to get away from my all-consuming sad thoughts and to be surrounded by those who love me. a little warm weather never hurt anyone either. i haven't been a big fan of the holidays since i was a kid, but this year i say "bring 'em on."
that was pretty bad. but it's true. been dealing with the winter that is now here.
i got sick last weekend and have been dealing with a few days of feeling like crap. and i'm still mending my broken heart. i'm surprised at how long this seems to be taking. i'm usually pretty quick to get over these things but this one was different so i guess it's taking longer. people keep saying it'll get better in time. but it's been over 3 weeks and i don't feel much different than i did a few weeks ago. keeping busy seems to be the only thing that takes my mind off sad thoughts but when i get home i go to the bad place and it's no picnic.
truth be told, i'm in the midst of looking for a therapist. i just think this stuff i'm dealing with might be years of shoving down my emotions and it seems to have come to a head. it's time to take a look inside and i feel as though i need an unbiased opinion to help me sort through these cluttered thoughts. it's seems so beyond me that when someone asks what's wrong, all i can say is "i don't know." it's buried that deep. so it's high time i do something about it. what can it hurt really?
i am excited to go home for the holidays. i'm happy to get away from my all-consuming sad thoughts and to be surrounded by those who love me. a little warm weather never hurt anyone either. i haven't been a big fan of the holidays since i was a kid, but this year i say "bring 'em on."
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