cold

it's cold here. i have a cold. and my poor heart is like ice. ha!
that was pretty bad. but it's true. been dealing with the winter that is now here.
i got sick last weekend and have been dealing with a few days of feeling like crap. and i'm still mending my broken heart. i'm surprised at how long this seems to be taking. i'm usually pretty quick to get over these things but this one was different so i guess it's taking longer. people keep saying it'll get better in time. but it's been over 3 weeks and i don't feel much different than i did a few weeks ago. keeping busy seems to be the only thing that takes my mind off sad thoughts but when i get home i go to the bad place and it's no picnic.

truth be told, i'm in the midst of looking for a therapist. i just think this stuff i'm dealing with might be years of shoving down my emotions and it seems to have come to a head. it's time to take a look inside and i feel as though i need an unbiased opinion to help me sort through these cluttered thoughts. it's seems so beyond me that when someone asks what's wrong, all i can say is "i don't know." it's buried that deep. so it's high time i do something about it. what can it hurt really?

i am excited to go home for the holidays. i'm happy to get away from my all-consuming sad thoughts and to be surrounded by those who love me. a little warm weather never hurt anyone either. i haven't been a big fan of the holidays since i was a kid, but this year i say "bring 'em on."