Monday, June 13, 2005

my MJ theory

ok, ok, we all know jacko got off. fine. i'm still torn on whether he actually did those things or not. i do think his behaviour with young boys is inappropriate, but who knows if he actually acted on his weird fantasties. i still blame the mothers who send their boys to neverland.

in any case, i have my own MJ theory. it seems totally viable to me and i'm surprised that more people don't think the same thing. sure it's a little outrageous, but it makes perfect sense. everytime i tell someone, they scratch their head and think "yeah, maybe!"

so here's my theory. i think michael jackson is a castrato. it's a well-known fact that joe jackson, michael's father, was totally in control of the boy's life starting at a very early age. michael started singing with the jackson 5 at age 5 and as soon as joe saw that michael was going to be the star of the group, he held him under serious pressure. let's also take into consideration that michael has publicly accused his father of abuse.

ok, so michael's stardom of the jackson 5 basically got the family out of the ghetto. joe knows this. he also knows that michael is getting older and that his signature "high" voice is going to change soon. so what does he do in his thirst for fame and greed? CHOPS OFF HIS KIDS' BALLS!

i know, i know, it's a stretch. but here is my evidence:

1. that high voice that never changed. what's up with that voice of his? it's weird that it's so high pitched, right?

2. back in the hey day of michael's solo career, his signature move was grabbing his crotch and yelping "OW!" remember that? what the hell was that all about anyway? perhaps a little secret sign to the fans???

3. his fascination with young boys. we all know that michael's childhood was taken away from him and thus, he wants to live like a child (uh, neverland, monkeys as pets, inviting kids over for sleepovers). and perhaps, if my theory is correct, he is into exploring these boys because he remembers himself as a boy... he's never been a man!

4. ok, so he supposedly has fathered children. have you looked at those kids? THEY ARE WHITE! there's no way in hell his sperm made those kids!

5. changing his appearance. he's been so disgusted with himself and what his father did to him, that he's obsessed with altering his looks (trying to move as far away from looking like the man that "created" him) and thus, perpetuates his own self-mutilation (let's not forget the song "man in the mirror").

am i that off?

6 comments:

Megan Hill said...

hey manda! i'm not a huge conspiracy theorist, but i can't deny that some of the evidence that people come up with (including moon landing) do make me think "perhaps!"

Vargirl55 said...

Good theory, I shered you thought with others today at lunch and they agree too.

Ariel said...

Sounds familiar. ;)

wanna said...

i've always believed strongly in your castrato theory, i think since "Dangerous" on the charts the year we met!

Anonymous said...

You are, basically, off, as he has full facial hairs and a rough male speaking voice. The castrati were completely beardless and had female speaking voices. There's no doubt Jackie is something else.. a eunuch, perhaps, or maybe a transvestite with a freaky voice. He's definitely not a castrato.

Anonymous said...

I've thought Michael Jackson was a castrato for a while.

I mean, yeah, the high-pitched voice, the artificial manipulation of his face, his fake-looking facial hair, and just the fact that his life, like the life of castratos, is completely dedicated to his craft.

Plus, a while ago I saw this interview with Michael Jackson when he was a kid. The interviewer asks him what he's going to do when his voice changes. Michael Jackson looks right in the interviewer's eye and confidently proclaims, "It won't."

At the time it seemed cute. Now it's eerily accurate.