adjusting

i'm here in london. day 5 of a month long stay. i'm sitting at the nice desk that greg has so graciously set up for me in his flat in shoreditch. just a couple minute walk from martin's, where i'm staying. i've got it pretty cush here. keeping my time between really nice flats. i wonder how i got so lucky sometimes.

i arrived on friday night. took the flight out with martin which went by just fine. getting pretty used to these 5-6 hour flights. i managed to get an awful headache on the flight though and was not happy to arrive and enter a mile long line to check my passport. martin just went right on through in the citizens line but i had to wait a painfully long time. i've never been really fond of the passport guys. they always seem to question you like you're a criminal. i figured i'd say i was just staying with friends because i knew they didn't like it when you said "visiting my boyfriend." god knows why.

my turn was finally up. right before i was called, i noticed a white american college kid ahead of me. the asshole passport official was giving him a really hard time, asking how long he planned on being here, how could he afford to be here, where was he staying, etc. when the kid said he didn't know where he was staying that night, the official was outraged and told him to go find out where he was staying that night and come back to him. "no one comes to london without an address." shit, i was next and i had to go to this disgruntled holier than thou official.

my heart started to beat thinking he'd see right through my little white lie. but i couldn't think of anything better on the spot. he noticed that i'd been here just a couple months before and got all huffy with me. how long was i here before? what was i doing here? who did i see? bla bla bla. then he questioned about my visit this time. who? what? where? when? why? he got all in my business about how could a freelancer afford to come here for a month? and take off 6 weeks of the year for that matter? he was really going for it and made me feel like a complete shit. i hated being questioned like that. what did he really think i was going to do? oy!

finally he asked to see my return ticket because he obviously didn't believe that i was going to leave. of course i didn't have it, as i'd just printed out my e-ticket to come, not to return. "well miss, you'll just have to go back to the front of the airport, print that out for me and come back through here." WHAT AN ASS!! after that hour long wait, i had to wind my way back through the maze of corridors of heathrow airport and print out a fucking return ticket? so i did it, with the worst headache of all time. back to the front, print out the fucker, then back through security, shoes off, computer out, the whole bit, then BACK THROUGH THE PASSPORT LINE AGAIN! i couldn't believe it.

next time i got a different official who didn't seem as bothered about my stay and let me through. what were they really going to do, put me back on the plane for christ sake? jeez! poor martin had been waiting there the whole time with the bags and the driver he'd ordered was waiting too. what a ridiculous ordeal. not the sort of welcome i was hoping for.

mart was very good about comforting me that night and making it all ok. made me tea, got me medicine for my headache, drew me a bath, wrapped me up in a blanket and hugged me. good boyfriend.

i was thrown for a loop again over the weekend which i can't really get into on the old blog. let's just say i wasn't feeling too welcome in another situation. just the cold british thing that i guess i just don't understand or get. it was probably me projecting, but that's how i felt.

been really busy with work too so haven't managed to have time to go out and see the city at all. i went out to co-op on sunday night which was good, but i just wasn't in top form. and i've seen a couple of my friends here but i've actually been feeling slightly depressed and out of my element. i guess i just didn't know what to expect and i'm probably more of a control freak than i think. i'm on martin's turf now. his house, his neighborhood, his people. before it was him in my environment. and now i can understand how he felt unwelcome or out of his element at times too. seeing both sides of the coin. which is good. healthy. just long distance relationship stuff that i don't get. or just don't know how to handle quite yet.

it's all good learning stuff though. just an adjustment period. doesn't it seem ridiculous to be complaining when i've got an amazing boyfriend, fantastic accommodations, lovely friends, and a cool city? it's just learning to give up some of the social and physical comforts i'm used to, which is perfectly fine.