funny little story from the weekend:
i was out with my friend who had just got back to NY from 2 months in hawaii.
needless to say, she was completely zen-ed out. answered her door in her bikini. loved it!
we were celebrating her return and were going out in brooklyn to go dancing.
first went to bar to get a couple warm-up beverages. then new boy met us there and happened to bring along an enomous joint to share with the group.
we went to go get a car service to take us to the next spot. no one wanted to take us, but my friend and her cousin, who both happen to be russian talked this driver into taking us. he was russian too and they worked their russian magic. next thing, we're in the car. boy pulls out the joint, my friend speaks to the driver in russian and next thing i know, the giant spliff is being lit in the car! sweet!! driver then reaches over and pumps up the stereo, blasting the funniest russian speed pop i've ever heard.
it was mayhem.
here's the proof.
Tuesday, April 06, 2004
Wednesday, March 31, 2004
overheard
just got back from lunch.
while eating by myself at a cafe down the street, i heard a guy behind me say this:
"...weirdest dream last night. i dreamed that i was stuck in this big park all alone. all of a sudden, me legs turned into 2 baguettes and every squirrel in the park wanted to eat my legs! i had to run, but it was so hard to move with baguettes for legs. it was a total nightmare!"
i couldn't help but laugh to myself visualizing the scene.
while eating by myself at a cafe down the street, i heard a guy behind me say this:
"...weirdest dream last night. i dreamed that i was stuck in this big park all alone. all of a sudden, me legs turned into 2 baguettes and every squirrel in the park wanted to eat my legs! i had to run, but it was so hard to move with baguettes for legs. it was a total nightmare!"
i couldn't help but laugh to myself visualizing the scene.
Tuesday, March 30, 2004
what the #$%&
did i really just see bob dylan singing on a victoria's secret commercial?
holy crap, what has this world come to???
holy crap, what has this world come to???
making strides
on my walk to work this morning, i counted how many steps it took to walk 1 average new york city block (north/south). it was exactly 80 steps.
this means, when i walk home from work, i've taken roughly 1920 steps. who needs a friggin' gym? again, confirmation that i love this city.
this means, when i walk home from work, i've taken roughly 1920 steps. who needs a friggin' gym? again, confirmation that i love this city.
little pencil
last night i made my first trip via subway to visit new boy who happens to live in astoria. i've been to his place before but always took a cab and was with him. this time, i was going out on my own and had never taken the subway to queens. i knew it was going to be longer than my normal subway journeys so i made sure the ipod batteries were charged and brought along a new tokion magazine to read.
when i got on the N train, i found my little spot--a two seat bench all to myself. i spread my stuff out and got comfortable for the long ride. not so fast. next stop, a hoard of travelers were standing outside the door, ready to get on and steal away my private nook. but wait! who was that handsome boy standing at the doors looking my way? "if someone has to sit by me, please, oh please let it be him." like the gods answering my prayers, hot boy plopped himself right next to me. the comfort zone was slightly violated as our crossed legs rubbed against each other, but i didn't mind one bit.
i carried on reading my magazine. well, not really reading. this boy was so hot i couldn't really concentrate on the copy. but i did notice him checking out the mag's cool graphics. then he took out his own reading material. a subway requirement is to check out your next door neighbor's reading, so i did. it was some sort of text book material in spanish! oh god, oh god! extra bonus points for the cute boy to my left.
then the strangest thing happened. he took out the smallest pencil i've ever seen (maybe about 1 inch) and began jotting down notes on the pages. i was fascinated. how could this 6ft+ tall boy, with rather large hands write with such a stub of a pencil? i didn't get it, and i couldn't stop staring and wondering what the deal was. i wanted to ask him if he needed a pen or something. instead, in my dorky way, i removed my headphones and asked "so... what's with the tiny pencil?"
he smiled a huge smile and spoke in the cutest spanish accent you've ever heard, "oh," he chuckled, "it is a superstition of mine." "what do you mean?" i asked back. "well, ever since i was 17, i've been using pencils til they are almost gone. i think if i throw them away before that, something bad will happen to me. i also have to keep the stubs and i have about 5 bottles full of them."
whoa! i had no idea that would come out of him when i asked my question. it was a trip and i had to know more. he went on and on about his grandmother who was ultra superstitious and encouraged him with his odd pencil theory. i also learned that he didn't wear a watch or use a cell phone for similar reasons. what an intersting character. not only was he the hottest boy ever, he was weird! the perfect combo. again, being the dork that i am, i got out my digital camera and asked if i could snap a pic of him with his little pencil (since i loved the story so much). he allowed me to do so and instead of being embarrassed about it, he posed with his pencil and flashed a big toothy grin. here is the pic (disclaimer: this photo does not do his cuteness justice).
i was so intrigued by him, i sorta wanted to ask for his number, but i was on my way to meet new boy and thought it would be wrong. as we got off at the same stop i asked his name. "mariano, from argentina" he said. "megan. it was lovely chatting with you. i don't think anything bad is going to happen to you." and he smiled his giant cute smile again and walked off.
god help me, i love this city.
when i got on the N train, i found my little spot--a two seat bench all to myself. i spread my stuff out and got comfortable for the long ride. not so fast. next stop, a hoard of travelers were standing outside the door, ready to get on and steal away my private nook. but wait! who was that handsome boy standing at the doors looking my way? "if someone has to sit by me, please, oh please let it be him." like the gods answering my prayers, hot boy plopped himself right next to me. the comfort zone was slightly violated as our crossed legs rubbed against each other, but i didn't mind one bit.
i carried on reading my magazine. well, not really reading. this boy was so hot i couldn't really concentrate on the copy. but i did notice him checking out the mag's cool graphics. then he took out his own reading material. a subway requirement is to check out your next door neighbor's reading, so i did. it was some sort of text book material in spanish! oh god, oh god! extra bonus points for the cute boy to my left.
then the strangest thing happened. he took out the smallest pencil i've ever seen (maybe about 1 inch) and began jotting down notes on the pages. i was fascinated. how could this 6ft+ tall boy, with rather large hands write with such a stub of a pencil? i didn't get it, and i couldn't stop staring and wondering what the deal was. i wanted to ask him if he needed a pen or something. instead, in my dorky way, i removed my headphones and asked "so... what's with the tiny pencil?"
he smiled a huge smile and spoke in the cutest spanish accent you've ever heard, "oh," he chuckled, "it is a superstition of mine." "what do you mean?" i asked back. "well, ever since i was 17, i've been using pencils til they are almost gone. i think if i throw them away before that, something bad will happen to me. i also have to keep the stubs and i have about 5 bottles full of them."
whoa! i had no idea that would come out of him when i asked my question. it was a trip and i had to know more. he went on and on about his grandmother who was ultra superstitious and encouraged him with his odd pencil theory. i also learned that he didn't wear a watch or use a cell phone for similar reasons. what an intersting character. not only was he the hottest boy ever, he was weird! the perfect combo. again, being the dork that i am, i got out my digital camera and asked if i could snap a pic of him with his little pencil (since i loved the story so much). he allowed me to do so and instead of being embarrassed about it, he posed with his pencil and flashed a big toothy grin. here is the pic (disclaimer: this photo does not do his cuteness justice).
i was so intrigued by him, i sorta wanted to ask for his number, but i was on my way to meet new boy and thought it would be wrong. as we got off at the same stop i asked his name. "mariano, from argentina" he said. "megan. it was lovely chatting with you. i don't think anything bad is going to happen to you." and he smiled his giant cute smile again and walked off.
god help me, i love this city.
Sunday, March 28, 2004
the way to a girl's heart...
is through her stomach. yeah, i know the real saying is "through a man's heart" but i think it's true for us chicks too.
yet again, my new boy cooked for me last night. this time at his house (not the restaurant). and OMIGOD!!!
i felt so pampered, getting cooked for like that. and it wasn't just some cute attempt at cooking like pasta and sauce from a jar with a few extra veggies thrown in.
this was COOKING. tiger prawns with baby bock choy and chinese spinach in some crazy delicious ginger sauce over perfect rice.
the prawns were just crazy intense. and the whole eating experience was rather sensual. prying the meat of the prawn out from the shell and eating with your hands. yum! i could have sworn homeboy sprinkled some ecstacy powder over that meal because the second course was ridiculous (heh heh). talk about an afrodisiac! wonder if he knew this (which i just found on the internet):
Men have been experimenting with food as a route into women's knickers since the dawn of time. Virtually every culture has its own menu of delicacies designed to induce passion and fertility... Another trick is to ensure that at least one course is eaten with fingers - either start with something along the lines of Thai seasoned king prawns, or alternatively finish with chocolate-dipped fruit.
and are you ready for dessert?: bananas sauteed in butter, sugar and rum, wrapped in HOMEMADE crepes, drizzled with HOMEMADE chocolate sauce with vanilla ice cream on the side all sprinkled with choco powder. DYING!!! i may get fat hanging out with this boy, but at this rate, who the fuck cares? i'm in seventh heaven.
yet again, my new boy cooked for me last night. this time at his house (not the restaurant). and OMIGOD!!!
i felt so pampered, getting cooked for like that. and it wasn't just some cute attempt at cooking like pasta and sauce from a jar with a few extra veggies thrown in.
this was COOKING. tiger prawns with baby bock choy and chinese spinach in some crazy delicious ginger sauce over perfect rice.
the prawns were just crazy intense. and the whole eating experience was rather sensual. prying the meat of the prawn out from the shell and eating with your hands. yum! i could have sworn homeboy sprinkled some ecstacy powder over that meal because the second course was ridiculous (heh heh). talk about an afrodisiac! wonder if he knew this (which i just found on the internet):
Men have been experimenting with food as a route into women's knickers since the dawn of time. Virtually every culture has its own menu of delicacies designed to induce passion and fertility... Another trick is to ensure that at least one course is eaten with fingers - either start with something along the lines of Thai seasoned king prawns, or alternatively finish with chocolate-dipped fruit.
and are you ready for dessert?: bananas sauteed in butter, sugar and rum, wrapped in HOMEMADE crepes, drizzled with HOMEMADE chocolate sauce with vanilla ice cream on the side all sprinkled with choco powder. DYING!!! i may get fat hanging out with this boy, but at this rate, who the fuck cares? i'm in seventh heaven.
Friday, March 26, 2004
baaaad movie
so i had the honor of attending the screening of m. night's new movie, the village due out in july. it was one of those pre-released, not quite finished screenings to get the audience reactions and stuff. again, it was one of his signature "surprise twist endings" movies which, in my opinion, is sooooo played out! it's like you expect this from him now and can't just watch the movie because you are constantly wondering "what is the twist?" so i wasn't quick enough to catch the twist even though i was looking for it, but let me just say, the surprise is WACK. it wasn't even a surprise like "whoa..." it was more like "huh? that's stupid." oops.
don't get me wrong. the production value of the film is great. it's slick. it's well-produced and looks real pretty (thanks to roger deakins and disney's deep pockets) but the story is just plain silly. honestly, i think it would have been more powerful had you known the twist at the beginning. granted, they are still working out the kinks, but to me, there are a lot of kinks to be worked out. and the script was not well-written. just too hollywood cliche for me. AND the actors all seemed to be over-acting too. the cast reads like a hollywood's who's who, but jesus, tone it down a bit people. no more yelling when you're trying to announce a climatic plot point. joaquin phoenix was the only solid performance in my book. that guy is great. wonder why he ends up doing these big budget hollywood films?
anyway, for night's sake, i hope it gets better. he was there asking us questions and it seemed like a lot of the audience was on the same page as i was... ouch. the guy is smart, so hopefully he's got more (or less) footage up his sleeve. otherwise, i smell a summer blockbuster bomb.
don't get me wrong. the production value of the film is great. it's slick. it's well-produced and looks real pretty (thanks to roger deakins and disney's deep pockets) but the story is just plain silly. honestly, i think it would have been more powerful had you known the twist at the beginning. granted, they are still working out the kinks, but to me, there are a lot of kinks to be worked out. and the script was not well-written. just too hollywood cliche for me. AND the actors all seemed to be over-acting too. the cast reads like a hollywood's who's who, but jesus, tone it down a bit people. no more yelling when you're trying to announce a climatic plot point. joaquin phoenix was the only solid performance in my book. that guy is great. wonder why he ends up doing these big budget hollywood films?
anyway, for night's sake, i hope it gets better. he was there asking us questions and it seemed like a lot of the audience was on the same page as i was... ouch. the guy is smart, so hopefully he's got more (or less) footage up his sleeve. otherwise, i smell a summer blockbuster bomb.
Tuesday, March 23, 2004
in like
you read it here first. i like a guy. and i'm sorta freaking out about it a little bit (in a good way).
no really, this isn't just some fling this time. it's totally intense and great and i'm into it. we've only hung out a total of 4 times after meeting 2 fridays ago and every session has been fantastic... progressively getting better each time, which seems to be a good sign.
i met him, (surprise, surprise) on a dance floor. we connected immediately. he had really good moves and it was on. whenever you meet someone in a club, you just never know though. but i felt something with this one. something different. we went out the next night and i got to know him a little bit. all stats in check. grew up in a foreign country, speaks 3 languages, well travelled, smart, loves music and dancing, good politics and world view, no weird religion crap but spiritual, gets my humor, really cute style (very new yorky), is a total gentleman, and is a chef!
our second hangout, he cooked for me at his restaurant. OMIGOD!! 4 courses of incredibly beautiful looking and tasting food. to die! i was in heaven.
third hangout i was feeling sick so he came over and brought me take out and just chilled with me at home. sara even got to meet him and gave the seal of approval (and she's a tough critic too!).
and last night... OH LAST NIGHT! just too good. we were both thanking the universe for our good fortune of meeting each other.
ok, enough mush. i'm just happy, that's all.
no really, this isn't just some fling this time. it's totally intense and great and i'm into it. we've only hung out a total of 4 times after meeting 2 fridays ago and every session has been fantastic... progressively getting better each time, which seems to be a good sign.
i met him, (surprise, surprise) on a dance floor. we connected immediately. he had really good moves and it was on. whenever you meet someone in a club, you just never know though. but i felt something with this one. something different. we went out the next night and i got to know him a little bit. all stats in check. grew up in a foreign country, speaks 3 languages, well travelled, smart, loves music and dancing, good politics and world view, no weird religion crap but spiritual, gets my humor, really cute style (very new yorky), is a total gentleman, and is a chef!
our second hangout, he cooked for me at his restaurant. OMIGOD!! 4 courses of incredibly beautiful looking and tasting food. to die! i was in heaven.
third hangout i was feeling sick so he came over and brought me take out and just chilled with me at home. sara even got to meet him and gave the seal of approval (and she's a tough critic too!).
and last night... OH LAST NIGHT! just too good. we were both thanking the universe for our good fortune of meeting each other.
ok, enough mush. i'm just happy, that's all.
Monday, March 22, 2004
last year of the twenties
i made it through the birthday weekend and came out a-ok. 29 to some may seem like a milestone... last year of a decade (or an era). but i'm thinking of it as 1 step closer to 30, which i'm actually looking forward to, believe it or not. the twenties have been tough (and yes, completely fun), but from what i've heard from my older peers, is that the thirties are great (when you figure yourself out a bit more, are more comfortable with life, career stuff becomes a little more clear and sex life: watch out!). not that i'm putting place markers on ages, but sometimes, you just can't help it.
my friend sara from LA came out for the bday weekend which was really sweet. made me happy to have a good friend in town for the occassion... since most all of my NY friends happened to be out of town this weekend and it could have been a pretty lonely birthday. i didn't really plan anything big... just meeting at my favorite little bar in brooklyn for drinks and dancing. what more could i want?
the day was lovely... sunny and relatively warm. sara and i started the day with yummy breakfast then did the token walking all over the LES and east village for shopping, then over to the west village for the magnolia's bday cupcake. perfect day if you ask me. back at home for a little snooze, then chinese for dinner and off to the bar.
a handful of people showed up. we got drunk and danced and that was about that. nothing major, but it was nice.
the real party was last night though. lucy had gotten tickets for the body & soul reunion party. i was feeling pretty darn after boozin it up saturday night, but since it was a "tea dance" (late afternoon into early-ish evening) i thought i could muster the energy. we met up at 8 and headed to the sold out club.
it was insanely packed. apparently they were closing the club, arc, where body & soul had held a residency for years. also, the night had been finished for over a year (i believe) so the regulars were out to support, as well as every other music/dance/club enthusiast in NYC. and let me tell you, there was every kind of person imaginable in that room. old, young, short, tall, fat, skinny, black, white, asian, latino, gay, straight, crazy, normal. i mean EVERYONE. as i toked on some insane shirtless funny hatted gay man's joint, lucy told me to check out the 40+ dude wearing a t-shirt tucked into shorts with white socks and tevas! it was too much! but the main theme was everyone was enjoying themselves to the nth degree.
you could just feel that energy swarming through the place. i felt like i had taken the best E of my life as the lights would go down, the smoke machine filled the room, the sirens went off and everyone began to scream and clap when a song got intense. i don't know if old E chemicals stay in your body, and can be released again or if it was just a "contact high" but whatever it was, i felt so damn good (could even FEEL that something coursing through my veins and it gave my goosebumps).
needless to say, my lack of energy replaced in a matter of songs. and i must admit, the music wasn't something i'd necessarily listen to at home (some of it, sure, but most of it not), but i was grooving to some hard house shit regardless. the vibe in the joint was too too good not to lose your shit.
i think the highlight of the evening was when joe claussel played an extended version of "do i do" by my all time favorite stevie wonder. before the song came on, the lights went out, then a HUGE blast of cold air filled the room, the lights faded up to blue, the siren sound came on and then STEVIE! the place went nuts. and joe was just working the EQ's... like a freaking conductor infront of a giant orchestra. oh god, i loved it!
thank you body & soul. thank you for making me love NYC that much better... knowing that there are that many of us in the city that can create that kind of special energy in a room with good old fashioned music and dancing!
my friend sara from LA came out for the bday weekend which was really sweet. made me happy to have a good friend in town for the occassion... since most all of my NY friends happened to be out of town this weekend and it could have been a pretty lonely birthday. i didn't really plan anything big... just meeting at my favorite little bar in brooklyn for drinks and dancing. what more could i want?
the day was lovely... sunny and relatively warm. sara and i started the day with yummy breakfast then did the token walking all over the LES and east village for shopping, then over to the west village for the magnolia's bday cupcake. perfect day if you ask me. back at home for a little snooze, then chinese for dinner and off to the bar.
a handful of people showed up. we got drunk and danced and that was about that. nothing major, but it was nice.
the real party was last night though. lucy had gotten tickets for the body & soul reunion party. i was feeling pretty darn after boozin it up saturday night, but since it was a "tea dance" (late afternoon into early-ish evening) i thought i could muster the energy. we met up at 8 and headed to the sold out club.
it was insanely packed. apparently they were closing the club, arc, where body & soul had held a residency for years. also, the night had been finished for over a year (i believe) so the regulars were out to support, as well as every other music/dance/club enthusiast in NYC. and let me tell you, there was every kind of person imaginable in that room. old, young, short, tall, fat, skinny, black, white, asian, latino, gay, straight, crazy, normal. i mean EVERYONE. as i toked on some insane shirtless funny hatted gay man's joint, lucy told me to check out the 40+ dude wearing a t-shirt tucked into shorts with white socks and tevas! it was too much! but the main theme was everyone was enjoying themselves to the nth degree.
you could just feel that energy swarming through the place. i felt like i had taken the best E of my life as the lights would go down, the smoke machine filled the room, the sirens went off and everyone began to scream and clap when a song got intense. i don't know if old E chemicals stay in your body, and can be released again or if it was just a "contact high" but whatever it was, i felt so damn good (could even FEEL that something coursing through my veins and it gave my goosebumps).
needless to say, my lack of energy replaced in a matter of songs. and i must admit, the music wasn't something i'd necessarily listen to at home (some of it, sure, but most of it not), but i was grooving to some hard house shit regardless. the vibe in the joint was too too good not to lose your shit.
i think the highlight of the evening was when joe claussel played an extended version of "do i do" by my all time favorite stevie wonder. before the song came on, the lights went out, then a HUGE blast of cold air filled the room, the lights faded up to blue, the siren sound came on and then STEVIE! the place went nuts. and joe was just working the EQ's... like a freaking conductor infront of a giant orchestra. oh god, i loved it!
thank you body & soul. thank you for making me love NYC that much better... knowing that there are that many of us in the city that can create that kind of special energy in a room with good old fashioned music and dancing!
Friday, March 12, 2004
been so long
shit, i realize it's been forever since i last wrote and i'm sure no one is even checking this thing anymore, but since i have a few minutes i'll give a couple updates.
first, the good news: i got in on that american airlines deal... where i fly twice from NY before april 15th and i get a free ticket to anywhere in the world! i'm so freaking stoked on that one. so to qualify for the deal i decided to buy a last minute ticket to miami last weekend, where the winter music conference and the m3 summit was happening. m3 happens to be the "cool" version of WMC, where the parties are catered to the jazzier side of music (an alternative to the 4-to-the-floor/techno/trance crowd). my new friend lucy, from london, was going as was my old friend vicki (who was getting a free hotel room).
i wasn't necessarily looking forward to this having preconceived notions of horrible lines outside crowded clubs and bimbos everywhere, but i thought why not (and the whole free ticket was the main incentive). turned out miami was really fun. more good travel karma came my way... met some new NY people who had pull at the door of the big jazzanova/bugz in the attic party. the crowd outside was inside and the cover of $20 was not appealing, but we managed to slip in with these kids. excellent. met up with michael later in the night and ran into a handful of LA club friends. the music was excellent, the crowd pretty cool (minus the lack of crazy dancers) and spirits were high all around. my biggest complaint was the drink prices... fucking $7 for a bud (and that was the only option for beer).
next night same thing happened. lucy just happened to know the guy at the door for the huge BBE/okay player party and we got right in (HA! that line outside the door was absolutely riddick). that party was just plain crazy. so so so many people. but fantastic music and the club was just insane: huge, cool decor, about 5 rooms. again, a good good time.
and during the day it was all chilled out style on the beach. i never think i like tropical settings, but get me in one and i'm happy as a clam.
other than miami, just been plugging away at an on-site freelance design gig for the past couple weeks. not a big thrill. been nice to be out of the house. well, it was at first. i was kind of enjoying being amongst the working stiffs, getting up, getting my coffee, getting on the subway. but the thrill is already gone. i want to be home and emailing and blogging at my own free will. worst part of the job is that art director has direct view of my screen, so i can't get away with much. oh well. the money is good at least.
so i guess that's it. dad stuff is still on the brain, but not taking over. i'm managing to stay pretty balanced and have remained happy, with small bursts of sadness. that part will come next month when i go back to fallbrook to take care of his house. UGH!! gotta do it though. then coachella as my reward. nice.
first, the good news: i got in on that american airlines deal... where i fly twice from NY before april 15th and i get a free ticket to anywhere in the world! i'm so freaking stoked on that one. so to qualify for the deal i decided to buy a last minute ticket to miami last weekend, where the winter music conference and the m3 summit was happening. m3 happens to be the "cool" version of WMC, where the parties are catered to the jazzier side of music (an alternative to the 4-to-the-floor/techno/trance crowd). my new friend lucy, from london, was going as was my old friend vicki (who was getting a free hotel room).
i wasn't necessarily looking forward to this having preconceived notions of horrible lines outside crowded clubs and bimbos everywhere, but i thought why not (and the whole free ticket was the main incentive). turned out miami was really fun. more good travel karma came my way... met some new NY people who had pull at the door of the big jazzanova/bugz in the attic party. the crowd outside was inside and the cover of $20 was not appealing, but we managed to slip in with these kids. excellent. met up with michael later in the night and ran into a handful of LA club friends. the music was excellent, the crowd pretty cool (minus the lack of crazy dancers) and spirits were high all around. my biggest complaint was the drink prices... fucking $7 for a bud (and that was the only option for beer).
next night same thing happened. lucy just happened to know the guy at the door for the huge BBE/okay player party and we got right in (HA! that line outside the door was absolutely riddick). that party was just plain crazy. so so so many people. but fantastic music and the club was just insane: huge, cool decor, about 5 rooms. again, a good good time.
and during the day it was all chilled out style on the beach. i never think i like tropical settings, but get me in one and i'm happy as a clam.
other than miami, just been plugging away at an on-site freelance design gig for the past couple weeks. not a big thrill. been nice to be out of the house. well, it was at first. i was kind of enjoying being amongst the working stiffs, getting up, getting my coffee, getting on the subway. but the thrill is already gone. i want to be home and emailing and blogging at my own free will. worst part of the job is that art director has direct view of my screen, so i can't get away with much. oh well. the money is good at least.
so i guess that's it. dad stuff is still on the brain, but not taking over. i'm managing to stay pretty balanced and have remained happy, with small bursts of sadness. that part will come next month when i go back to fallbrook to take care of his house. UGH!! gotta do it though. then coachella as my reward. nice.
Wednesday, February 18, 2004
newness
in retrospect, last week was a good week.
i think i needed to make some changes and that's just what i did.
first i got a new hair do. got it colored darker and i really dig it. felt like cutting out the california i suppose.
now i feel like a real new yorker. ha! don't you just love my oh so sexy pose? i crack myself up sometimes.
last friday i went on a little shopping spree. my friend greg who works for miss sixty invited me to their sample sale where the prices were ridiculously low. and on top of being so cheap, he also got a 50% discount off those prices. and i scored!! a coat that i had been coveting, that was going for $300+ in the store, i snagged for $40!! their $175 jeans were $25!! snapped up a couple shirts, a blazer and some tights. all that for $120. amazing. i was on such a shopping high that day, it was awesome. why does shopping make you feel so damn good sometimes??
then on saturday jessica and i braved the trip to ikea in jersey. caught the free ikea bus from port authority and went a little crazy there. we wanted everything, but didn't know how the hell we were going to get it home. furniture shopping in this town is really hard if you have no means of bringing back to your place or a shit load of money to get it delivered. we ended up putting a lot back, but still ended up with 3 big bags and 4 ridiculously heavy huge boxes of do-it-yourself furniture. luckily we met a nice lady on the bus back who offered to help watch our shit while we took trips back and forth from the bus stop in port authority to the street corner where we hoped to catch a cab that would hold everything. it worked. and miraculously, we got a minivan cab!! we were amazed. in our rush to get everything out of the cab on mulberry street (tiny one way with tons of traffic that night), we forgot a bag. so pissed. it took us hours to get everything up the 5 flights of stairs. what a pain in the ass. but i have a new desk and a cabinet which will hold the TV and my stereo that my mom is sending out. YAY! a turntable!!! and good speakers!!! all very exciting stuff.
newness feels good.
i think i needed to make some changes and that's just what i did.
first i got a new hair do. got it colored darker and i really dig it. felt like cutting out the california i suppose.
now i feel like a real new yorker. ha! don't you just love my oh so sexy pose? i crack myself up sometimes.
last friday i went on a little shopping spree. my friend greg who works for miss sixty invited me to their sample sale where the prices were ridiculously low. and on top of being so cheap, he also got a 50% discount off those prices. and i scored!! a coat that i had been coveting, that was going for $300+ in the store, i snagged for $40!! their $175 jeans were $25!! snapped up a couple shirts, a blazer and some tights. all that for $120. amazing. i was on such a shopping high that day, it was awesome. why does shopping make you feel so damn good sometimes??
then on saturday jessica and i braved the trip to ikea in jersey. caught the free ikea bus from port authority and went a little crazy there. we wanted everything, but didn't know how the hell we were going to get it home. furniture shopping in this town is really hard if you have no means of bringing back to your place or a shit load of money to get it delivered. we ended up putting a lot back, but still ended up with 3 big bags and 4 ridiculously heavy huge boxes of do-it-yourself furniture. luckily we met a nice lady on the bus back who offered to help watch our shit while we took trips back and forth from the bus stop in port authority to the street corner where we hoped to catch a cab that would hold everything. it worked. and miraculously, we got a minivan cab!! we were amazed. in our rush to get everything out of the cab on mulberry street (tiny one way with tons of traffic that night), we forgot a bag. so pissed. it took us hours to get everything up the 5 flights of stairs. what a pain in the ass. but i have a new desk and a cabinet which will hold the TV and my stereo that my mom is sending out. YAY! a turntable!!! and good speakers!!! all very exciting stuff.
newness feels good.
how i'm feeling
(written Feb. 13)
i'm surprisingly happy being back in new york. i'm taking it all day by day and so far, i'm feeling good. my work load is minimal right now and i'm gonna keep it that way for a bit. i realized i haven't had much time to explore the city and there is so so much to see and do. i look at the time out and there are a million things i want to check out. i don't even really know where to start.
i'm going to start taking a yoga class. maybe find an african dance class i like. get in some culture. that's what i came to NY for right? i'm paying this rent to be in this city, so why not utilize the resources the city has to offer? i refuse to slip into a funk, so i'm going to stay busy with seeing and doing hopefully.
i've seen a few friends here and there, but i've been having a lot of me time, which i needed. just having walks around the neighborhoods and such. went out last tuesday night and had a blast. movie and dinner with danny and then a club with lucy. we closed the bar. good fun. met a nice dude. etc, etc.
i do feel far from home, yes, but i know i have the support of my family to be here and to do my thing, so that's what i'm gonna do. i'll be back there in may to check in on them and to continue the logistical stuff for my dad. the timing of all of this has been very interesting. i realize that if i'd been living in LA still, things would have been completely different for me. i wouldn't have had a life at all. i'd be constantly going to fallbrook, and feeling guilty if i wasn't. this way i don't have to. i can continue my life and check in and i feel ok about it. for now. but that's the way it should be. life goes on and i plan to keep propelling forward.
i'm surprisingly happy being back in new york. i'm taking it all day by day and so far, i'm feeling good. my work load is minimal right now and i'm gonna keep it that way for a bit. i realized i haven't had much time to explore the city and there is so so much to see and do. i look at the time out and there are a million things i want to check out. i don't even really know where to start.
i'm going to start taking a yoga class. maybe find an african dance class i like. get in some culture. that's what i came to NY for right? i'm paying this rent to be in this city, so why not utilize the resources the city has to offer? i refuse to slip into a funk, so i'm going to stay busy with seeing and doing hopefully.
i've seen a few friends here and there, but i've been having a lot of me time, which i needed. just having walks around the neighborhoods and such. went out last tuesday night and had a blast. movie and dinner with danny and then a club with lucy. we closed the bar. good fun. met a nice dude. etc, etc.
i do feel far from home, yes, but i know i have the support of my family to be here and to do my thing, so that's what i'm gonna do. i'll be back there in may to check in on them and to continue the logistical stuff for my dad. the timing of all of this has been very interesting. i realize that if i'd been living in LA still, things would have been completely different for me. i wouldn't have had a life at all. i'd be constantly going to fallbrook, and feeling guilty if i wasn't. this way i don't have to. i can continue my life and check in and i feel ok about it. for now. but that's the way it should be. life goes on and i plan to keep propelling forward.
the wrap party that never was
(actually written last friday...Feb. 13)
seems like the only time i have to write these days (or the times i feel like writing) is when i'm traveling. now, it's by train, on my way back from Philly to NY. yesterday was rather comical. i was invited down to Philly for the wrap party for the Night project I've been working on and i thought why not. free train travel, free booze and food and fun people, sure! while the production office was making my travel arrangements, i got an urgent call asking if i could come down sooner as the director was having a freak-out about the re-shoots of the website stuff (the part i've been sort of consulting). i didn't have anything else that day, so i said i could come, not really knowing what they wanted or needed.
so i got the next train down and arrived around 4pm. the PA whisked me off to editorial where i was asked to watch the dailies of the website stuff. they wanted some changes made. luckily i brought my laptop and make the changes. one of the editors was a big pain in the ass and wanted it just so. ended up taking me a good 3+ hours to get it just how he wanted it to look. ugh!! then it was off to the hotel where they were shooting.
there was a very restless crew hanging out in the hallway, bitching about how late they were staying. then we got word... the wrap party had been canceled. so at that point i was basically down there to WORK and not PARTY. fuck. i have to admit, i wasn't completely upset about it. i was mildly amused at the fact that i knew exactly how the PA's felt, having worked in production so long ago (and doing plenty of that same bitching back then). and i had just seen my architect earlier this week, which i absolutely loved. you see, nathaniel kahn, the director of "my arch" (who also just happened to get an academy award nomination for best documentary) is also the director of this project. so i was kind of excited to be working with him, star-fucker that i am (and hate to admit).
the shooting of the web stuff went off without a hitch (well, nothing seriously bad happened). they seemed to get all that they needed, although i wasn't finished until 2am. jesus. but the story ends well. they felt so bad that they hooked me up with a fatty hotel room. i'm talking fat-tay. it was huge and had an amazing bathroom. it was so late, but i had to take a bath in that big squeeky clean tub. so great. watched a little cable TV in bed and had a fantastic night's sleep.
strangely enough, i woke up crying. i was dreaming about my dad. first time that has happened. it was weird, but i didn't feel bad about it. just missing him i think.
i met callum for breakfast. we ate fancy breakfast in the fancy hotel. eggs, bacon, sausage, potatoes, juices, lattes, the whole bit. had a nice chat, and then it was back to the train station. what could have been a potential disaster, ended on a pretty good note. thank god.
seems like the only time i have to write these days (or the times i feel like writing) is when i'm traveling. now, it's by train, on my way back from Philly to NY. yesterday was rather comical. i was invited down to Philly for the wrap party for the Night project I've been working on and i thought why not. free train travel, free booze and food and fun people, sure! while the production office was making my travel arrangements, i got an urgent call asking if i could come down sooner as the director was having a freak-out about the re-shoots of the website stuff (the part i've been sort of consulting). i didn't have anything else that day, so i said i could come, not really knowing what they wanted or needed.
so i got the next train down and arrived around 4pm. the PA whisked me off to editorial where i was asked to watch the dailies of the website stuff. they wanted some changes made. luckily i brought my laptop and make the changes. one of the editors was a big pain in the ass and wanted it just so. ended up taking me a good 3+ hours to get it just how he wanted it to look. ugh!! then it was off to the hotel where they were shooting.
there was a very restless crew hanging out in the hallway, bitching about how late they were staying. then we got word... the wrap party had been canceled. so at that point i was basically down there to WORK and not PARTY. fuck. i have to admit, i wasn't completely upset about it. i was mildly amused at the fact that i knew exactly how the PA's felt, having worked in production so long ago (and doing plenty of that same bitching back then). and i had just seen my architect earlier this week, which i absolutely loved. you see, nathaniel kahn, the director of "my arch" (who also just happened to get an academy award nomination for best documentary) is also the director of this project. so i was kind of excited to be working with him, star-fucker that i am (and hate to admit).
the shooting of the web stuff went off without a hitch (well, nothing seriously bad happened). they seemed to get all that they needed, although i wasn't finished until 2am. jesus. but the story ends well. they felt so bad that they hooked me up with a fatty hotel room. i'm talking fat-tay. it was huge and had an amazing bathroom. it was so late, but i had to take a bath in that big squeeky clean tub. so great. watched a little cable TV in bed and had a fantastic night's sleep.
strangely enough, i woke up crying. i was dreaming about my dad. first time that has happened. it was weird, but i didn't feel bad about it. just missing him i think.
i met callum for breakfast. we ate fancy breakfast in the fancy hotel. eggs, bacon, sausage, potatoes, juices, lattes, the whole bit. had a nice chat, and then it was back to the train station. what could have been a potential disaster, ended on a pretty good note. thank god.
Tuesday, February 10, 2004
back to life, back to reality
sitting on the plane with my laptop. i love my laptop. best purchase i got myself in a long time. anyway, i'm on my way back to NYC. i have mixed feelings about going back. at xmas time i was so excited to get back... back to the work, to new friends, to the potential boy situations, the new still new city. but this time is very different.
the last three weeks have been totally different from anything i've known before. just a constant roller coaster of emotions. i think i remained pretty upbeat and tried to be the rock for deb and my grandma, but it was my loss too! heading back on the plane, i just think about him and tears well up. it hadn't been like that for the last few days and i think it's hitting me again now that i'm gonna be detached from everyone for the first time.
i'm pretty scared actually. of how i'll take being back in ny all by myself. i don't want to fall into a rut. i just can't deal with a serious depression for the rest of the winter. that would kill me. i'm gonna try my best to stay positive. to go out and explore as much as possible. to be with friends. to make new friends. to exercise. i must hold to these tasks or i think i'll just start to go downhill. and no one wants that.
i think the most fascinating aspect to this whole experience is the only child thing. i have no one else to share this with! and everyone is just doting on me. for example, i went to dinner last night with my grandma, debbie, my mom and aunt barb and they all just lingered on every word i uttered. constant hugs and kisses and i love you's. don't get me wrong. it's wonderful to have so much unconditional love from all these family members, but it's also a lot of pressure.
and besides dealing with emotions and feelings and being this rock for the ladies, i'm dealing with the lawyers and the banks and how we're going to care for grandma and the possessions and all if it. death is a real pain in the ass.
i miss my dad so much. i'm getting sad just thinking about it. i thought i was doing my pushing down my feelings thing for the last couple weeks (cuz i wasn't crying as much as i thought i should be), but now that i'm away, i can see i'm gonna have a rough time with it. i'm crying just thinking about it. i must have been shoving it down, because i see it surfacing now.
just gotta stay strong. i know i have it in me. i just wish i knew what it all meant, you know? that might make things easier.
the last three weeks have been totally different from anything i've known before. just a constant roller coaster of emotions. i think i remained pretty upbeat and tried to be the rock for deb and my grandma, but it was my loss too! heading back on the plane, i just think about him and tears well up. it hadn't been like that for the last few days and i think it's hitting me again now that i'm gonna be detached from everyone for the first time.
i'm pretty scared actually. of how i'll take being back in ny all by myself. i don't want to fall into a rut. i just can't deal with a serious depression for the rest of the winter. that would kill me. i'm gonna try my best to stay positive. to go out and explore as much as possible. to be with friends. to make new friends. to exercise. i must hold to these tasks or i think i'll just start to go downhill. and no one wants that.
i think the most fascinating aspect to this whole experience is the only child thing. i have no one else to share this with! and everyone is just doting on me. for example, i went to dinner last night with my grandma, debbie, my mom and aunt barb and they all just lingered on every word i uttered. constant hugs and kisses and i love you's. don't get me wrong. it's wonderful to have so much unconditional love from all these family members, but it's also a lot of pressure.
and besides dealing with emotions and feelings and being this rock for the ladies, i'm dealing with the lawyers and the banks and how we're going to care for grandma and the possessions and all if it. death is a real pain in the ass.
i miss my dad so much. i'm getting sad just thinking about it. i thought i was doing my pushing down my feelings thing for the last couple weeks (cuz i wasn't crying as much as i thought i should be), but now that i'm away, i can see i'm gonna have a rough time with it. i'm crying just thinking about it. i must have been shoving it down, because i see it surfacing now.
just gotta stay strong. i know i have it in me. i just wish i knew what it all meant, you know? that might make things easier.
Tuesday, January 27, 2004
seriously grieving
i've been waiting a while to write here about what's been going on with me for the last week and a half. i wanted to write some profound something about what i've learned and discovered but it's a little too personal to go into it all on the internet i feel. i think i'll save those thoughts for my written journal. i think most of whoever is reading this knows anyway, but in case you don't here's what happened...
my father died friday, january 16th.
it was completely unexpected and thus, very shocking. i found out on a cell phone, while in a movie theater by myself in new york. my apartment had no heat, so i went to the movies to get warm. when i got out i had an urgent message from my mom telling me to call. when she asked where i was, i told her and she said she didn't want to tell me there. i made her tell me anyway, because i had a feeling it was bad and wanted to know. i sat there on a bench to myself on the 7th floor of the theater on 3rd ave, while the sun set over the manhattan skyline behind me as my mother told me that my father had passed away that day. tears instantly poured out of my eyes and i couldn't understand how or why. and i really didn't know what to do. i remember i just kept asking "what should i do, what should i do?" she told me i should call vicki and take a cab to her office. said i needed to be with someone. i did and vic told me to come over right away.
catching a cab seemed to take forever. it was freezing outside, but i was numb to it. no cab would come. i just stood there in the middle of 3rd, arm half raised, tears streaming down and i tried my best to hail someone, anyone. finally got one, and continued to cry. it was the most intense crying i think i may have ever experienced. big painful sobbing, blubbering, bawling all the way through the rush hour traffic up to 29th st. jessica called me on the way and i blurted out what was happening. guess the cabbie figured out why his passenger was freaking out so bad after that.
when i got to vic's office, she was amazing. i walked out of the elevator and she was waiting for me with a glass of water and an anti-anxiety pill. she hugged me and made me tea. she had a list of the plan of attack written down and had already started looking for flights. so so sweet, i couldn't believe it. i made my phone calls. first to my grandma who was so so so upset. i was trying to get answers to what had happened and it was still unsure at that point. i told my grandma that i was coming home the next day to be with her and i could tell she felt good about that. so hard to talk to her then. all i could think was that the poor woman just lost both of her sons. out-living your two children! oh god!!
then i thought of debbie (my dad's partner). she had literally just lost her sister in november! i called her next and talked to her friend that was with her. she couldn't speak to me. i just heard wailing in the background. it was horrible.
vic took me down to my apt to help me pack. then back up to her apt that had heat. jessica was meeting us there with food. when i got to her place, i had to puke. i just felt so ill. hadn't eaten much all day and then this. it was bizarre. ate a little, tried to watch a movie, then called amy who's reaction was mind-blowing. as soon as i told her she began wailing too. "oh MEGAN!" she cried. she took it so much worse than i thought she would. i think because she sensed how upset i was. that girl really is like a sister to me!
i got on the plane the next morning, thanking vic and jess profusely before i left. they were so great and were very comforting. more blubbering on the plane. interestingly enough, none of the flight staff even noticed. i thought sure i'd have to explain myself to someone, but no. seems like the only one who noticed was a the french teenager sitting across from me. i think he thought i was a real loon.
my mother picked me up and more crying. she was holding it together for me i think. but the real sadness started when i got to my dad's house where everyone had gathered. oh god, i don't even want to think about how awful that was. everyone just sobbing uncontrollably. apparently, my dad had a respitory arrest. they found him where he was taking a breathing treatment (he had more health problems than he ever told me apparently). they think he was having trouble breathing, tried the treatment and then possibly had a heart attack in the middle of that. whatever it was, it was quick and that's the only saving grace in this whole situation. that it happened fast. i know my dad would have never put up with a long drawn out death. so in a way, it is a blessing. i was just expecting him to be around a lot longer.
being the only child is another interesting aspect to this whole situation. pretty much everything has come down on me... dealing with losing my father, taking care of calling people, meeting with lawyers, making arrangements, comforting my grandma and deb, the whole thing. luckily i have an amazing support system and debbie and my mom and aunt have been great. but it's just so much logistical stuff to deal with, that you don't even think about. i mean, all you really want to do is grieve, but instead you have to write obituaries and answer his phone messages left on his machine and go to the mortuary to get death certificates and go to banks to close accounts, etc, etc. it's just too much.
over a week has passed since this has been going on and i feel like the days are just dragging. last week literally feels like one of the longest weeks ever. just completely emotionally draining. i'm feeling ok now and i can't quite decide if i'm still in denial that it's happened or if i've just been too busy to think about it. probably a little of both.
without getting too seriously into my feelings about this, it's suffice to say that i have learned something very important... that friendships mean everything and after something like this, i really really know who my true friends are. i mean people came out of nowhere, telling me the nicest things, sending their sympathies, offering to help in any way they could, or just listening. even some of my new friends in NY have been amazingly sweet, simply saying they are thinking about me. i feel honored to have such a fantastic support system and truly great people in my life. simultaneously, you learn who you don't need in your life, when they are so self absorbed, they offer you nothing. people get weird in times of death i suppose. but jesus christ. all you need to do is listen and say "i'm sorry." that's it. it's not that hard.
we had a military memorial service for my dad yesterday. another intense event. i wasn't expecting it to be so military-ish, but it honestly was nice. he finally got the recognition and honor he deserved for serving in the viet nam war. maybe i'll save that for another entry. i'm here for at least another week, so i'm sure i'll share more when i feel the urge to write.
all i know is that i miss my daddy-o terribly and can't believe i will never see him or speak to him again and that just breaks my little heart. love you na.
my father died friday, january 16th.
it was completely unexpected and thus, very shocking. i found out on a cell phone, while in a movie theater by myself in new york. my apartment had no heat, so i went to the movies to get warm. when i got out i had an urgent message from my mom telling me to call. when she asked where i was, i told her and she said she didn't want to tell me there. i made her tell me anyway, because i had a feeling it was bad and wanted to know. i sat there on a bench to myself on the 7th floor of the theater on 3rd ave, while the sun set over the manhattan skyline behind me as my mother told me that my father had passed away that day. tears instantly poured out of my eyes and i couldn't understand how or why. and i really didn't know what to do. i remember i just kept asking "what should i do, what should i do?" she told me i should call vicki and take a cab to her office. said i needed to be with someone. i did and vic told me to come over right away.
catching a cab seemed to take forever. it was freezing outside, but i was numb to it. no cab would come. i just stood there in the middle of 3rd, arm half raised, tears streaming down and i tried my best to hail someone, anyone. finally got one, and continued to cry. it was the most intense crying i think i may have ever experienced. big painful sobbing, blubbering, bawling all the way through the rush hour traffic up to 29th st. jessica called me on the way and i blurted out what was happening. guess the cabbie figured out why his passenger was freaking out so bad after that.
when i got to vic's office, she was amazing. i walked out of the elevator and she was waiting for me with a glass of water and an anti-anxiety pill. she hugged me and made me tea. she had a list of the plan of attack written down and had already started looking for flights. so so sweet, i couldn't believe it. i made my phone calls. first to my grandma who was so so so upset. i was trying to get answers to what had happened and it was still unsure at that point. i told my grandma that i was coming home the next day to be with her and i could tell she felt good about that. so hard to talk to her then. all i could think was that the poor woman just lost both of her sons. out-living your two children! oh god!!
then i thought of debbie (my dad's partner). she had literally just lost her sister in november! i called her next and talked to her friend that was with her. she couldn't speak to me. i just heard wailing in the background. it was horrible.
vic took me down to my apt to help me pack. then back up to her apt that had heat. jessica was meeting us there with food. when i got to her place, i had to puke. i just felt so ill. hadn't eaten much all day and then this. it was bizarre. ate a little, tried to watch a movie, then called amy who's reaction was mind-blowing. as soon as i told her she began wailing too. "oh MEGAN!" she cried. she took it so much worse than i thought she would. i think because she sensed how upset i was. that girl really is like a sister to me!
i got on the plane the next morning, thanking vic and jess profusely before i left. they were so great and were very comforting. more blubbering on the plane. interestingly enough, none of the flight staff even noticed. i thought sure i'd have to explain myself to someone, but no. seems like the only one who noticed was a the french teenager sitting across from me. i think he thought i was a real loon.
my mother picked me up and more crying. she was holding it together for me i think. but the real sadness started when i got to my dad's house where everyone had gathered. oh god, i don't even want to think about how awful that was. everyone just sobbing uncontrollably. apparently, my dad had a respitory arrest. they found him where he was taking a breathing treatment (he had more health problems than he ever told me apparently). they think he was having trouble breathing, tried the treatment and then possibly had a heart attack in the middle of that. whatever it was, it was quick and that's the only saving grace in this whole situation. that it happened fast. i know my dad would have never put up with a long drawn out death. so in a way, it is a blessing. i was just expecting him to be around a lot longer.
being the only child is another interesting aspect to this whole situation. pretty much everything has come down on me... dealing with losing my father, taking care of calling people, meeting with lawyers, making arrangements, comforting my grandma and deb, the whole thing. luckily i have an amazing support system and debbie and my mom and aunt have been great. but it's just so much logistical stuff to deal with, that you don't even think about. i mean, all you really want to do is grieve, but instead you have to write obituaries and answer his phone messages left on his machine and go to the mortuary to get death certificates and go to banks to close accounts, etc, etc. it's just too much.
over a week has passed since this has been going on and i feel like the days are just dragging. last week literally feels like one of the longest weeks ever. just completely emotionally draining. i'm feeling ok now and i can't quite decide if i'm still in denial that it's happened or if i've just been too busy to think about it. probably a little of both.
without getting too seriously into my feelings about this, it's suffice to say that i have learned something very important... that friendships mean everything and after something like this, i really really know who my true friends are. i mean people came out of nowhere, telling me the nicest things, sending their sympathies, offering to help in any way they could, or just listening. even some of my new friends in NY have been amazingly sweet, simply saying they are thinking about me. i feel honored to have such a fantastic support system and truly great people in my life. simultaneously, you learn who you don't need in your life, when they are so self absorbed, they offer you nothing. people get weird in times of death i suppose. but jesus christ. all you need to do is listen and say "i'm sorry." that's it. it's not that hard.
we had a military memorial service for my dad yesterday. another intense event. i wasn't expecting it to be so military-ish, but it honestly was nice. he finally got the recognition and honor he deserved for serving in the viet nam war. maybe i'll save that for another entry. i'm here for at least another week, so i'm sure i'll share more when i feel the urge to write.
all i know is that i miss my daddy-o terribly and can't believe i will never see him or speak to him again and that just breaks my little heart. love you na.
Friday, January 16, 2004
BBBBRRRRRRRRRRR
ok, i just checked NY1 it's 16 degrees outside and almost as cold inside my apartment. i'm FREEZING. fuck you landlord! where is our goddamn HEAT???
i swear, i was just watching the news the other day seeing all these poor people in dumps with no heat, standing around the oven trying to stay warm. i just thought, "jesus, how awful. how are they dealing?" and literally the next day, it happens HERE! apparently the boiler is broken (the so-called new boiler they just fixed last month). but how long does it take to fix a fucking boiler?? we're so cold. i've got a little space heater sitting next to my computer which is doing an ok job. but my fingers are going numb as i type...but i've got to work. i have projects due.
we're now on day 2 of this. yesterday i attempted to take my new laptop to starbucks to work. i was under the impression that if you had an airport card in your computer, you could go to starbucks and get online. would have never gone to starfucks if that weren't the case (there are far more cuter little cafes in the neighborhood i would have rather gone). anyhow, i get there, buy my latte so i feel justified to sit in there, and set up shop. when i click to go online, i'm prompted by some t-mobile hotspot bullshit where i have to PAY to use the internet. i was so pissed. i didn't get it. i though you just go there and get online, no questions asked. so i asked the nice guy next to me with his laptop who was obviously online. "hey dude, what gives with paying for internet here?" "yeah, i know," he replies "i just shelled out $10 bucks to be online here. my heater is busted and i gotta work." HA!! same boat. i had to work and send emails too and i had trekked through the snow to get there and bought my damn latte... so i paid $6 for an hour online session. bastards. is anything in this world FREE??? fuck you starbucks.
i swear, i was just watching the news the other day seeing all these poor people in dumps with no heat, standing around the oven trying to stay warm. i just thought, "jesus, how awful. how are they dealing?" and literally the next day, it happens HERE! apparently the boiler is broken (the so-called new boiler they just fixed last month). but how long does it take to fix a fucking boiler?? we're so cold. i've got a little space heater sitting next to my computer which is doing an ok job. but my fingers are going numb as i type...but i've got to work. i have projects due.
we're now on day 2 of this. yesterday i attempted to take my new laptop to starbucks to work. i was under the impression that if you had an airport card in your computer, you could go to starbucks and get online. would have never gone to starfucks if that weren't the case (there are far more cuter little cafes in the neighborhood i would have rather gone). anyhow, i get there, buy my latte so i feel justified to sit in there, and set up shop. when i click to go online, i'm prompted by some t-mobile hotspot bullshit where i have to PAY to use the internet. i was so pissed. i didn't get it. i though you just go there and get online, no questions asked. so i asked the nice guy next to me with his laptop who was obviously online. "hey dude, what gives with paying for internet here?" "yeah, i know," he replies "i just shelled out $10 bucks to be online here. my heater is busted and i gotta work." HA!! same boat. i had to work and send emails too and i had trekked through the snow to get there and bought my damn latte... so i paid $6 for an hour online session. bastards. is anything in this world FREE??? fuck you starbucks.
NYE slideshow
if you want to see the pics from the NYE adventures in Joshua Tree, click here.
there are two (pretty sizeable) slideshows. one of NYE night and one of the days after. both songs were chosen for obvious reasons.
"hey ya" was our midnight theme song of the year. and if you can't figure out the other song...well...DUH.
ENJOY!
there are two (pretty sizeable) slideshows. one of NYE night and one of the days after. both songs were chosen for obvious reasons.
"hey ya" was our midnight theme song of the year. and if you can't figure out the other song...well...DUH.
ENJOY!
Tuesday, January 13, 2004
re-assessments
thanks to those of you who were so supportive during my little weekend fiasco. it was tough, but i made it though. just give it a couple days to settle, and things just get better. don't you just love that about life? and the more i think about, the more i realize it happened for a reason. i learned a few things about myself and where i am right now... and that's it's probably a good time to change a few things. like getting so wasted. it's really not a trend, but i feel a bit of a self destructive phase upon me (not that my self destructiveness has ever been that craaazy, but still). wanna gave a good bit of insight. she said that she felt herself going into those phases when she felt like she was entering into a bad pattern. one of those life patterns that we try to avoid, but inevitably end up getting into.
with this situation, it was being into a guy that was coming out of a serious relationship...AGAIN. enough already. i knew it was a bad idea...i saw the red flag, but i chose to go for it and started to really like the guy. sure enough, i learned my lesson, after one of the weirdest drama nights of my life, but still. it was hard getting to that conclusion, but i found what i needed to know in the end.
i feel so so much better today. i've learned that instead of stepping back before acting, to look within once i've already acted (again...thanks wanna!). i'm gonna do dumb stuff from time to time. no matter how much we think we're in control, shit still happens. and when it does, it's good to question why. this life is tough, but we always make it through. thank god for the old light at the end of the tunnel and those clouds with silver linings.
with this situation, it was being into a guy that was coming out of a serious relationship...AGAIN. enough already. i knew it was a bad idea...i saw the red flag, but i chose to go for it and started to really like the guy. sure enough, i learned my lesson, after one of the weirdest drama nights of my life, but still. it was hard getting to that conclusion, but i found what i needed to know in the end.
i feel so so much better today. i've learned that instead of stepping back before acting, to look within once i've already acted (again...thanks wanna!). i'm gonna do dumb stuff from time to time. no matter how much we think we're in control, shit still happens. and when it does, it's good to question why. this life is tough, but we always make it through. thank god for the old light at the end of the tunnel and those clouds with silver linings.
sorta back on track...sorta
sorry it's been so long. my travels and coming home to a huge amount of work has stiffled the blogging.
lots to tell, but can't quite get the steam going to write it all out. i'll give a semi-shot though.
had a fantastic trip in LA and fallbrook. xmas was nice, good to see the fam, so good to see the friends. made me really miss everyone but glad to know they are there and they love me. i love them too.
got home to freezing NY. nice to be back to the apartment, but i've hardly left the place, having piles of work to complete. still working on one website (due this week) and had a presentation thingie for the peeps in philly on friday. almost too much to handle, but it's all getting done. pats on the back.
the weekend was filled with the biggest drama of 2004 thus far and i pray that it doesn't get any worse for the rest of the year. i can't really get into the personal sorted details of what went down, but it involved getting way too drunk, making a complete ass of myself and inadvertently, screwing up some relationships. all day yesterday i hated myself. lots of tears were shed and it was time for a little self reflection. i still am not quite sure why i did what i did. i want to blame the booze, but it may have been something deeper. working on it.
all i know, is that i've got to lay off getting that drunk. it gives me poor judgement and makes me do things i wouldn't normally do.
i don't know if it's being in NY and thinking i can handle that much booze or if i'm just having a drunk phase or if i'm being self destructive for some reason.
whatever it is, i know i have to take a step back and think about my actions before i act.
new years resolution #1.
lots to tell, but can't quite get the steam going to write it all out. i'll give a semi-shot though.
had a fantastic trip in LA and fallbrook. xmas was nice, good to see the fam, so good to see the friends. made me really miss everyone but glad to know they are there and they love me. i love them too.
got home to freezing NY. nice to be back to the apartment, but i've hardly left the place, having piles of work to complete. still working on one website (due this week) and had a presentation thingie for the peeps in philly on friday. almost too much to handle, but it's all getting done. pats on the back.
the weekend was filled with the biggest drama of 2004 thus far and i pray that it doesn't get any worse for the rest of the year. i can't really get into the personal sorted details of what went down, but it involved getting way too drunk, making a complete ass of myself and inadvertently, screwing up some relationships. all day yesterday i hated myself. lots of tears were shed and it was time for a little self reflection. i still am not quite sure why i did what i did. i want to blame the booze, but it may have been something deeper. working on it.
all i know, is that i've got to lay off getting that drunk. it gives me poor judgement and makes me do things i wouldn't normally do.
i don't know if it's being in NY and thinking i can handle that much booze or if i'm just having a drunk phase or if i'm being self destructive for some reason.
whatever it is, i know i have to take a step back and think about my actions before i act.
new years resolution #1.
Monday, January 05, 2004
let love rule
upon entry into 29 palms, where 7 of us decided to spend out new year's eve and new year's day, i saw the sign to the harmony motel which read "LET LOVE RULE." it was totally fitting and i was excited to stay there. wanna had been once before and thought it would be perfect for our little new year gathering. a pretty random group was formed for the occassion...me, amy, wanna, sara, mark, gotton (our new japanese friend visiting from tokyo), and dj superstar j-logic (total surprise, but so stoked to have him with us). we rented the cabin which was its own separate place away from the rest of the motel. jeffrey, the motel owner greeted me when i arrived (i got there first, driving up from san diego). i could tell he was a super cool dude. he ran the place himself and there were all these groovy zenned out rock sculptures and subtle rock garden touches, complete with corragated steel and found wood fences around the pool and hot tub. the cabin was very modest, but was perfect for our needs. i was excited.
the rest of the crew showed up with tons of booze and food and we started the party right away. wanna concocted her traditional filipino new years stew and the booze guzzling was on. not sure how, but i got super tipsy early on and apparently everyone else was eager to catch up with me since i was in such high spirits. sara (bless her heart) set up the ipod and her fatty speakers and we partied into the new year in a majoy way. midnight rolled around, we all stepped outside to pull our party poppers and light our sparklers and pour our champagne. jeffrey joined us, along with a couple of wanna friends who showed up as well. outkast's "hey ya" was the midnight theme song and the dance party was on. it was so so so fun bouncing around and being dorks. a few minutes later, wanna pulled out the e and she talked sara and i into taking them. oh shit!
craziness ensued. i vaguely remember freakin with jeffrey the motel owner. sara said i was saying bullshit like "i feel soooo damn good right now." god, i hate those people and i was one of them. HA! and apparently i made out with the motel guy, of which i have absolutely no recollection. oops. i usually remember kissing dudes, but that combo of being very drunk and taking a pill is lethal. the next few hours are a complete blank. next thing i knew, a group of us had made our way to the hot tub. it was perfect outside. very chilly, the the sky could not have been more clear... completely dark with a million stars surrounding us. pretty soon, the rest of the party was in the hot tub. sara stripped down to her undies, and wanna jumped in topless. HAHAHA!! yep, we were all feeling damn good. it was fantastic.
the night ended with a late night ipod session by sara. she freakin rocked it. even dj superstar logic was impressed. so so so good! chet baker, some bleepy shit, i don't quite remember what else, but it was just so good.
morning time was harsh. we all woke up real late, made a big old breakfast in the cute community kitchen. i apologized to jeffrey for my behaviour, which he said "no need. i had a GREAT time with you guys." heh.
before sunset, we made our way into the joshua tree park. holy fuck. why had i never been there before? it was like another planet. we found jumbo rocks and climbed on up to view maybe the most beautiful sunset i've ever seen in my life. we all decided that seeing that sunset only meant we were all guaranteed an excellent 2004.
more chilling that night then another trip to JT the next day for more fun exploring. i loved our group. each and every one of them. so so lovely. we all got along swimmingly. no drama. only good times. love was definitley the ruler those couple days. the place, the setting, the people, the fun. couldn't have asked for a better new year. i think i'm blessed that way. here's to good things for all of us in '04!
the rest of the crew showed up with tons of booze and food and we started the party right away. wanna concocted her traditional filipino new years stew and the booze guzzling was on. not sure how, but i got super tipsy early on and apparently everyone else was eager to catch up with me since i was in such high spirits. sara (bless her heart) set up the ipod and her fatty speakers and we partied into the new year in a majoy way. midnight rolled around, we all stepped outside to pull our party poppers and light our sparklers and pour our champagne. jeffrey joined us, along with a couple of wanna friends who showed up as well. outkast's "hey ya" was the midnight theme song and the dance party was on. it was so so so fun bouncing around and being dorks. a few minutes later, wanna pulled out the e and she talked sara and i into taking them. oh shit!
craziness ensued. i vaguely remember freakin with jeffrey the motel owner. sara said i was saying bullshit like "i feel soooo damn good right now." god, i hate those people and i was one of them. HA! and apparently i made out with the motel guy, of which i have absolutely no recollection. oops. i usually remember kissing dudes, but that combo of being very drunk and taking a pill is lethal. the next few hours are a complete blank. next thing i knew, a group of us had made our way to the hot tub. it was perfect outside. very chilly, the the sky could not have been more clear... completely dark with a million stars surrounding us. pretty soon, the rest of the party was in the hot tub. sara stripped down to her undies, and wanna jumped in topless. HAHAHA!! yep, we were all feeling damn good. it was fantastic.
the night ended with a late night ipod session by sara. she freakin rocked it. even dj superstar logic was impressed. so so so good! chet baker, some bleepy shit, i don't quite remember what else, but it was just so good.
morning time was harsh. we all woke up real late, made a big old breakfast in the cute community kitchen. i apologized to jeffrey for my behaviour, which he said "no need. i had a GREAT time with you guys." heh.
before sunset, we made our way into the joshua tree park. holy fuck. why had i never been there before? it was like another planet. we found jumbo rocks and climbed on up to view maybe the most beautiful sunset i've ever seen in my life. we all decided that seeing that sunset only meant we were all guaranteed an excellent 2004.
more chilling that night then another trip to JT the next day for more fun exploring. i loved our group. each and every one of them. so so lovely. we all got along swimmingly. no drama. only good times. love was definitley the ruler those couple days. the place, the setting, the people, the fun. couldn't have asked for a better new year. i think i'm blessed that way. here's to good things for all of us in '04!
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