just what the doctor ordered

6 days of rest and relaxation in sunny california have proven to be just the right medicine for getting my old self back on track. this xmas has been really nice. i didn't stress out about buying gifts or making gifts. i spent about one day on each task which isn't bad compared to what normally happens. the family situation has been relatively stress-free too. i mean there's the usual guilt that comes up but i've been actively trying not to let it get to me.

xmas day was nice as well. opening presents (loaded up on the goods... including some essential items for my apartment and the coveted travel backpack for my upcoming trips), dinner with family and family friends, a visit by more local friends for dessert, and yummy holiday martinis that got me well-toasted (made the day go rather smoothly). no drama or arguments ensued. and it turned into a lovely 75 degree day. not too shabby.

all in all i'm feeling pretty darn good. no bad thoughts clouding my mind. and i'm excited for my little excursion to LA to visit some of my favorite people. i'm expecting some rowdy times ahead. i'm thinking this trip may be the perfect combo of vegging out and partying. woo-hoo.

transit strike

no work for me today. well, not at the office at least. i'm telecommuting from home which is nice. i'm so glad i don't have to deal with walking across the bridge and into the hell that is manhattan today. been watching the news and it looks like a nightmare. plus, it's 26 degrees out. who wants to deal with walking in that? the boss man called me at 7am this morning seeing if i wanted a ride with him into the city. unfortunately (or should i say fortunately) i couldn't because i had a scheduled doctor's appt. so he asked if i could telecommute today which sounded good to me.

then at 9 the doc called and had to cancel. she couldn't get to her office. so not only did i get out of going to work, i also didn't have to deal with walking through brooklyn to my appt. it's a home day. i was toying with the idea of walking into the city to get some errands done but getting there sounds too difficult. i think i'll forget it call it a pajama day. woo-hoo! let's just hope i can get myself to JFK tomorrow! that could prove difficult. but fingers crossed that it isn't. i want my 75 degree california vacation!

full speed ahead

i found a therapist. that i really like. and i'm actually (can't believe i'm going to say this) excited about this new endevour. i always thought therapy was so self-indulgent. that you just go on and on about your problems and the therapist says "uh huh, uh huh. and how did that make you feel?" sounded so boring. i was much happier keeping my own crap shoved deep down or bitching about my issues to my friends. but this time, the pain was so bad, i couldn't ignore it any longer and i knew it was time.

i was refered to a woman by a friend. she came highly recommended, so i set up an appointment earlier this week. i was nervous to go, not knowing anything about her or how therapy worked for that matter. but as soon as she opened the door, i knew i liked her. a good sign. she basically just wanted to get to know me a little bit to see if we were a "fit." it was hard to talk about myself at first, but once i got more comfortable i started to ramble on about this and that. and she already had some interesting insight. i immediately felt better. not that my problems were instantly solved, but just knowing that i was taking steps to dealing with all the stuff i usually choose to ignore. progress for 2006 i say! we'll see where this all goes. but i'm just happy to know that i'm taking action instead of whining about my life and feeling sorry for myself.

this old lady

how can 1 night of relatively hard dancing poop this old lady out in such a major way? PATHETIC!
so friday night was good. it was really good. it was one of the those perfect friday nights that started out just right and just kept getting better.

it began with indrani picking me up and taking me to her friend's party that wasn't too far. we were the first to arrive and it was mellow. a typical boys apartment with turntables playing hip hop, basketball on in the corner, plenty of cheap beer in the fridge. but the key was the apple cider warming on the stove. some hot toddie action for a cold winter's night. ah! met some nice new people and moved on to the next party.

a little bigger and seemingly better... an enormous fancy loft with hip decor, a groovy live band playing, a full bar and a keg of good beer. the crowd was little older, a bit subdued and not as friendly as the boys party. so we stocked up on the free goods and headed to the next stop soon after.

the highlight of the night was the five spot where rich medina was spinning. it had been some time since i'd been to a dance night, so i was ready to cut the rug. i was pleasantly surprised to see a crowd of all shades, dressed to the funky brooklyn nines, getting D-O-W-N. these people were not there to be seen, they were there to DANCE (although they all sure looked good). it was reminiscent of the fort green park sunday afternoon dance parties... circles forming and dancers performing... routines, dance battles, just plain showing off. amazing. don't know where those folks get their energy. watching them got me going and i tried my hardest to keep up. i was a sweaty mess, really feeling the beats (fela, fertile ground remixes, old school house, broken beat... my favorites!). but by 4am i was done.

the sad part was that i woke up the next morning in shear pain. my whole body hurt. my neck felt like i'd been to a head-banger's ball. and it got worse the next day. i needed a massage like none other. i obviously did not take the necessary pre-dance precautions. i should have known better. i'd like to think i can still keep up with the best of them but cold hard truth is that i'm just not as young as i used to be.

cold

it's cold here. i have a cold. and my poor heart is like ice. ha!
that was pretty bad. but it's true. been dealing with the winter that is now here.
i got sick last weekend and have been dealing with a few days of feeling like crap. and i'm still mending my broken heart. i'm surprised at how long this seems to be taking. i'm usually pretty quick to get over these things but this one was different so i guess it's taking longer. people keep saying it'll get better in time. but it's been over 3 weeks and i don't feel much different than i did a few weeks ago. keeping busy seems to be the only thing that takes my mind off sad thoughts but when i get home i go to the bad place and it's no picnic.

truth be told, i'm in the midst of looking for a therapist. i just think this stuff i'm dealing with might be years of shoving down my emotions and it seems to have come to a head. it's time to take a look inside and i feel as though i need an unbiased opinion to help me sort through these cluttered thoughts. it's seems so beyond me that when someone asks what's wrong, all i can say is "i don't know." it's buried that deep. so it's high time i do something about it. what can it hurt really?

i am excited to go home for the holidays. i'm happy to get away from my all-consuming sad thoughts and to be surrounded by those who love me. a little warm weather never hurt anyone either. i haven't been a big fan of the holidays since i was a kid, but this year i say "bring 'em on."

thanksgiving recap

i spent the holiday with my friend greg who invited me up to his family's house in jaffery, new hampshire. what a pretty new england town! i always forget how lovely new england is until i escape the city and drive through the sleepy little towns with tree-lined streets and old-timey town halls and quaint bed and breakfasts. jaffery was no exception. we stayed with greg's family who were very sweet people. greg is one of 13 children so i expected the thanksgiving to be a huge family affair. always fun to have a totally different experience than what you're used to. coming from a family where i'm the only child and 3 other living close relatives, it's a whole different ball game to be in the presence of a giant family.

the actual dinner was held at greg's sister's house who had 7 children of her own! i had no idea what i was in for. the kids were all so sweet but i have to say, they were a handful. running around, screaming, playing, fighting, crying. it was fun but one day of it was definitely enough. made me rethink the whole children thing. i probably still want one, MAYBE two. but that's it!

the whole family was super nice. must have been well over 25 people (including 10 kids)... i lost track after shaking the up-teenth person's hand. but the dinner was great. and there were 10 pies! never seen so much food at a thanksgiving table ever. delicious. i find it fascinating to witness other families and their traditions. this one was pretty normal. accept instead of watching football, the men cut down a couple trees outside. very manly of them. and kinda random. but fun to watch all the same. i'd take that over football any day. oh yeah, and it snowed that day which made it an extra special day. gotta love the first snow.

check out some pics from the day here

too busy to blog

i have not been a very good blogger lately. at all. here are some of the reasons/excuses why:

1. i went through a pretty gnarly break-up/get back together briefly/break-up again (details not to be discussed here).

2. i wasn't really eating for a good 3 weeks (the trusty ol' break-up diet). major loss of appetite = lack of energy. but hey, my skinny jeans are loose on me now. besides feeling sick when i want to eat, i can't complain about my new svelte self (and yes, i'm eating a little bit more now thank you very much).

3. i got bombarded with work. this has been a real blessing. not only is the money finally coming in (i was reeeeeally broke there for a bit), i've got some cool projects to work on. my own work projects started to pile up last week (love when that phone rings) and out of the blue i was asked to freelance at an in-house job this week. i was unsure of what it entailed... they didn't even want to meet before starting me on the job, but when they asked my rate, i upped it and they agreed. figured 2 weeks of good cash couldn't be too painful.

well, it turns out that the job has been great. the place is a groovy design studio in mid-town. they have some really big accounts and work on interesting projects. and the people are all quite friendly and cool. i was a bit nervous about walking into a "real" design studio. let's face it, it's been a while since i've been in a working creative environment and i wasn't certain of my competence level. i mean, when you've worked for yourself for a couple years, you tend to do things your own way (and maybe cut a few corners here and there).

they put me on my first assignment on monday. it was a cool project and i was stoked to be working on something from scratch, coming up with concepts, excuting ideas and presenting to the creative director. it's weird to seek approval from a c.d., since i'm the only one who has to approve my own work. again, i was nervous to present, but lo and behold, my ideas actually looked pretty good compared to the other designers working on the project. maybe i was better than i thought. i can't tell you the wonders this did for my ego (the same ego that had been shit on a couple days earlier). AND, i found out today that the client selected my idea. woo-hoo!

and today i was asked to create a concept for a coffee table type of book. so stoked. it's a little stressful (deadline is friday), but i'm happy to be back in this position. regular scheduled hours, intersting projects to work on, and no time to think of said break-up. plus, i've been working on my other projects at night (up past midnight every night this week so far). i usually hate being this busy, but i'm welcoming it and have to say, it feels damn good. bring on the busy i say.

halloween pics

to see the visuals from the woodstock weekend madness, go here

carving party!

cutest pumpkin
Originally uploaded by megasoul.

a bunch of folks joined GAS for a little pumpkin carving party. check out some of the creations on my flickr page.

weekend

besides feeling rather low the last week (apologies for lack of posts, but i was in a serious funk), i was able to get out a few times and managed to have some fun. good old mark frosty mcneil breezed through town on thursday night. he was on tour with devendra banhart. got to check out the show at webster hall which was pretty great. good music, fun performances. it bugged me out a little though... the whole band had a total frosty vibe... they all had the same hair and danced like mark. must be spending all that time together on a tour bus or something.

we also hit up my favorite bar in town, milk and honey (only go on special occassions). delicious beverages, fantastic atmosphere, impecable service. love.

friday night was the opening of the pony project. no, i was never a collector of my little ponies but i still loved the idea behind the project. they gave different arists a blank canvas (a big white hasbro pony) to see what they could come up with. fun idea. i was worried the scene would be ultra hipster annoyance, but i was pleasantly surprised to find interesting ny arty characters. and plenty of children which added to the merriment of the show. check out some of my pics of my favorite ponies in the show here.

saturday night was a friend's band playing at a local spot by my house. i was in total home mode that day, but decided since it was around the corner it would be good to get out. the show was amusing, fun performances and a bit of dancing afterwards. but the after party was out of control. one of the band members had a studio across the street and invited almost the whole crowd over. picture a tiny music studio full of equipment and a group of about 30 people standing all around squished together holding cups of champagne. i wasn't quite sure what they were celebrating, but they kept popping bottles open and passing blunts. it was a bit uncomfortable in there and i wasn't sure how long i would last in such a strange environment. but all of a sudden, the dj friend stepped up to the turntables and busted out the funky flavors and that tiny room became a sweaty dance party. various people were getting up to the mike, mcing, beat boxing, rapping. then rod stewart's "do you think i'm sexy" comes on and the place goes nuts. don't think i ever got down that hard to that track before. hilarious! and so so random. it was like we were seriously partying with a "real band" but they were just some local dudes. gotta love brooklyn sometimes.

and sunday was a making amends day. i re-established a friendship with a certain someone who had been causing me plenty of heartache the week before. we were able to lay all of our crap out on the table and actually moved forward. even hung out for a while and it was good. a little weird, but good. i think we're on the right track to being friends again, so that felt nice and i'm already getting past the despression cloud that i was trapped in last week. nice. amazing what a little communication can do.

lean on me

amy was here this last week and it was awesome. love my amy. i had some high points and some super low points while she was here and thank god she was here for those low ones. i would have been a wallowing mess. she got me out of the house and out and about and after a couple days the lows went away.
my new favorite cure for the blues: a great night of hard dancing. i went out tuesday night, still feeling a bit sad but after the music by my old favorite dj was played, i was over the blues. i think i sweat out all my anger and confusion and sadness right on to the dancefloor. i woke up the next day feeling rather sore but happy and seemingly stress-free. which also made my meeting with the person who was making me feel sad go better than expected. all was sorted out and i'm back to being my old self. even all this rain can't get me down.
too much to recap the past few weeks...
perhaps the pics can tell the story.

friends a-coming

miss amy french will be here tomorrow. yay! i'm excited to have her here and show her around my brooklyn. last time she was here, i was not. and the time before that, i was living on mulberry street in the city when i didn't know the 6 subway train from the Q. now i know most of the trains and where they go.

so this time will be a little different. we've already got some plans sorted out. meeting of the friends, dinners, outings, etc. i'm stoked for her to meet the new peeps, see the work space, my newly rearranged apartment, show her around my cool hood. it always makes you appreciate where you are and what you've got when people come to town. and i could use a little of that right now.

i've been quite the confused girl lately. about life, love, my career, this city, where i want to be, where i want to go, what i want to do. the usual life questions. i'm guessing it has to do with the new season... almost everyone i know has been going through the same thoughts and have been rather depressed (feeling like they aren't where they should be). the blahs. i'm plugging along though. have been more present to getting healthier... i'm swimming almost every day now, i'm trying to cook at home and eat better and get more sleep. and i feel better for it most days. now if i could just drum up some work, i'd be all set. i know it's just a low point. goes with the freelance lifestyle. it'll get better. i'm sure of it.

and new creative projects on the horizon. more on that when those ideas come to fruition.

what a difference a day makes

shit, what was that commercial that had that song as the theme? some cosmetics or something. anyway, for those of you concerned with my sadness yesterday... it's gone.
i wasn't depressed per se, just feeling bummed out.
and lo and behold, after an evening of chilling at home with some tv, a book, a few lovely phone conversations, a healthy meal, a bit of exercize and a good night's sleep, i feel great today. i guess it's all about taking care of oneself really. so easy and so necessary, yet so hard to keep up in this crazy city with this nutty life. fall is upon us and it's a great time to settle in to getting back to caring for ourselves. it's important.
my NY 2 year anniversary is almost here! can't quite believe that. it seems to have whizzed by, yet so much has happened. new lives, new loves, new homes, new places and with all the newness has come loss in most of those domains. the ups and downs. the perpetual roller coaster. bring it on i say, bring it on.

monday blues

woke up this morning feeling rather blue. i think my mind and body are finally saying "enough!" i've been exhausting myself and i'm so tired. i've also put on some weight and have been feeling rather depressed about that as well. weight has never been a big issue for me, but when i put on my "nice" jeans on saturday i got a painful stomach ache from the too tightness of them. at dinner i had to not only unbutton the waist, i had to unzip them too! i was mortified.

so today, i have decided to sign up at the gym/swimming pool down the street from work and do something about it instead of whine. i'm hoping that a little daily work-out will help with my bummed out frame of mind as well.

the weekend was again full to the max. all good things, just tiring. highlights included a lovely hangout with vic in my hood, taking the kids from the shelter apple picking and hiking on a beautiful saturday afternoon, going out for michelle's israeli cousin's birthday (dinner at my favorite restaurant and hilarious dancing at the bulgarian club), and seeing danny's play "but i'm a cheerleader: the musical" yesterday (AMAZING!). i love how my two favorite people involved in theater (amy and danny) directed plays about cheerleaders. something about those big end of the play cheer numbers made me ridiculously happy both times.

kinda funny this morning when i walked into G.A.S... apparently i wasn't too good at hiding my sadness and dear olia picked up on it right away. dawn was also feeling blue and we all had a big heart to heart group therapy session. so great! i'm already feeling better. i'm so blessed that i have these ladies in my life. if i was still stuck at home, i'd be festering this feeling of poopiness and would probably be listening to depressing music, staring at the ceiling. i'm a lucky girl.

ok, now back to creating my day...

a day in the life at G.A.S.

today was a very good day. granted, i didn't get a whole lot done in the work department, i did have a lovely time enjoying my workmates. everyone happened to be at GAS (grand artisan space) today for the first time in forever and we did it up: playing with bear (our GAS mascot), laughing with each other, telling stories, checking out each other's projects, and at the end of the day, ingri, our resident toy maker, brought ingredients for ice cream sundae's on the roof! so fun!!
witness the fun!

absense makes the heart grow fonder

apologies for the lack of postings. reasons reasons reasons... none of which are good reasons. just stories. but i'm making an effort to be back, to be present.

where to start? ok, i suppose a little back story can be mentioned. i can't remember the last time i had a day/night to myself at home. i've been out with friends, been working in the city, been taking dance classes, been going to these intense life seminars, been visiting with visitors, been going out of town for country fun and weddings, and been falling for a lovely lovely new certain someone. excuses, sure, but all good things. i'm just pooped, that's all.

i'm so very excited for fall. the summer has been an icky sticky whirlwind of non-stop action. so so fun, but like i said, i'm feeling a bit worn thin. just what i don't want to be. i'm ready to settle back into my neglected home. start saving money (been spending like i have it) and make soups and watch netflix and snuggle in bed and talk about future travels and creative projects. yeah, that sounds nice.

to catch up visually, check the flickr page.
here's to a happy transition into fall for all.

right back at it

it's been a whirlwind few weeks for me. working working working, into flying across the country and socializing and laughing with dear old friends in LA. so fun! then amy's fantastic play which i thoroughly loved (proud proud proud)... go see it if you live in LA and haven't done so.
then down to fallbrook to visit with the fam. mom, aunt, debbie, grandma. all the ladies. dinners, swimming, hugs and laughter. good times.
then back to NY where shannon (my new zealand travel buddy from toronto) and her sister, kalen were staying at my place. the vacation continued. we hung out, ate, drank, partied up like the good ol' days. it was like i was travel binging with her, out chatting it up, laughing it up and dancing it up with lots of random dudes. hilarity ensued as well as a massive hang-over the next day. greasy breakfasts and coney island freak shows and cyclone rides, followed by ice cream cones and stolls along the wooden-planked broadwalk. a walk across the brooklyn bridge with friends over to a fantabulous dinner at the dumbo hotspot. too tired to party that night, we called it an early one.
next day was volunteering with the flatlands shelter kids. we took them canoeing in stamford, ct which was great, but quite tiring after all my go-go-going. and the following few days have been getting my life back in order (you know, reconnecting with friends, uploading pics, getting back to the ol' neglected blog, catching up on friend's blogs, getting through ridiculous amounts of laundry, sorting through piles of work/mail/bills, etc).
but at the end of the day, i'm happy to be back and to get back on track. feeling good, feeling very good.

coming to LA

been waaaay too busy to write lately. so much has happened. too much to tell here. let's just say i've had some awesome enlightenments in life and love in the last couple weeks. all good things.

i'm heading out to LA this thursday. will be coming out with victoria (my college bud) to stay with amy for a girls weekend. we will see amy's play that she directed (very excited) on saturday night at the lilian theater (so if you want to see the play and us, come out!). other than that, no major plans have been made. i'm sure there will be eating, drinking and merriment. i'm excited to escape this city for a bit and head to another. will also get to see the fam for a couple days as well. i'm sure it will go too fast but when i come back, the shit is gonna hit the fan... in a good. plans plans plans. people, places and things to play with. all things good.

more details when i get a moment (perhaps the plane ride).

the underground flautist and the bruised russian

it never ceases to amaze me what people will do for a buck performing their "talent" on the subway. today was mr. mustache flute man. after waiting in a ridiculously uncomfortable subway station for what seemed like hours in sweltering humidity, the train finally came. i was thoroughly excited to sit in an air conditioned zone for a good few minutes before having to go back out in the yuck. finding a seat, i settled in next to a woman reading a russian newspaper whose rump spilled over into my seat. whatever, nothing new. i just wanted to tune out the world with my ipod for those lovely 15 air conditioned minutes.

i was happily listening to some groovy cymande song when a loud screech rang out over my earphones. i looked to my left and there he was, mr. mustache flute man. usually, if someone is performing, i'm genuinely curious, pause my ipod and listen to what said performer is bringing to the table. i've seen them all... a couple mariachi dudes singing and strumming cheap crappy guitars, boom box trumpet man playing the classic ny favorites, violin lady sawing away the classical melodies, even the electric clarinet guy. and usually i'll give them some change or a buck because they are out there working the train cars, showing off their talent for a few cents here and there. and most always they've got something (either a nice voice, a funny gimmick, a bizarre instrument or an actual gift at their craft).

but mr. mustache flute man was a whole different story. he was just plain BAD. i had a feeling he was may be on his way to his flute lessons and just decided to practice on the train infront of a car full of miserable people at rush hour on a hot summer's day. this time, i didn't even have to pause the ipod, homeboy was so loud, just toot toot tooting away. he started off with a lovely rendition of "tequila" then moved into my personal favorite "puttin on the ritz" followed by "la cucaracha." each song choice got progressively worse. there were bad notes, terrible timing, and just poor tone quality overall. not that i'm a music critic, but come on.

now here is the kicker of the whole story. i was annoyed, sure. but everyone else around me wasn't really feeling him either. i saw plenty of snickers, eye rolls, even a little silent giggling. but the woman next to me with the largish rump was his least favorite fan. about half way through the tooting of "puttin on the ritz" she nudged me (pretty hard) with her elbow. i looked over and she says to me in her thick russian accent "i cannot stan zis. it is buzzingah in my ears. ohhh, my head." i look at her and give an understanding nod. then she touches her head and says "i have zee operation. this ringing all the time. and thees man. i cannot stan zis. OOOOOHHH!" this time i feel her pain and just say a comforting "yeah." then she begins riffling through her purse and pulls out an envelope of photos. she takes them out to show me... they are terrifying photographs of this woman's naked body with HUGE black, yellow, brown and blue bruises and scars (did i mention NAKED??). not something i want to be looking at, hungover at 9:30 in the morning on one of the hottest days of the summer whilst mr. mustache flute man has now transitioned into "la cucaracha."

my eyes were buldging, not knowing quite what to do or say. i think i just said "yikes." i tried desperately of what else i might be able to come up with but ultimately drew a blank. i mean what the fuck do you say to a large russian woman complaining of the buzzing in her head while she shows you images of her naked fleshy bruised body? it was one of the weirdest subway incidents to date. i should start a strange subway stories book. perhaps a video with re-inactments. too freaking trippy. there's not much more to the story than the woman putting her photos back safely in her bag, probably ready to show them to the next unassuming passenger that gets lucky enough to sit next to her. oh yeah, and mr. mustache flute man did make a round of collections after his triumphant performance (i saw 2 dollar bills in his hat as he passed by).

woodstock weekend

i could die here
Originally uploaded by megasoul.

i spent the last weekend up in woodstock, NY... yes the famous place for the famous festivals. it was lovely, just lovely. i really needed to escape the city and breathe in some fresh air. hiking and swimming in the nearby swimming holes, complete with the gorgeous waterfall, yard saling and flea markets, a big old family hippy party (huge pot luck... free food and beverage!), jam bands, twirling dancing girls, kids wacking piñatas, doggies running all over, old and young partying and dancing it up, street fair, more swimming, more dancing, chilling in the hammock, and meeting lovely country folk. i couldn't have asked for a better party/chill-out weekend. i will be back!

current currents

it seems like the older i get, the universe continues to challenge the conventions of how i think, act and feel. you'd think by age 30, you'd be pretty set in your ways... knowing what kind of people you want as friends, how you work, what kind of partner is good for you, the things in life that are important to you. but no! those notions seem to continually shift, like the planets and the stars.

my own standards of convention were seriously shifted this last weekend... perhaps a certain star was out of alignment or something, but i had a bit of an identity crisis. too personal to get into the silly details but let's just say i was all sorts of confused about who i was and what i thought i knew about myself.

my horoscope this month said this:
To make sure you notice that a new day has dawned, a new moon in July may bring love, just when you had practically given up, and when you least expected to be pierced by Cupid's arrow. for some reason, i've got some serious mojo this month. i don't even mean to, but whatever vibes i'm subconsciously emanating, the fish are biting! yowza!

no time to blog

again, sorry for the lack of posts. this summer has proved to be non-stop action. whether it be crazy busy at work in the new space (did i mention LOVING the new space and it's new inhabitants... LOVING THEM ALL!) or entertaining old friends or going out with new friends, it's been quite the summer of fun!

last weekend wanna, my dear wanna, who i haven't seen in a year came to town. we had a total whirlwind weekend. can't comment on it all, but here's the rundown.
-thursday: wanna's arrival 1:30am, go to moe's for beers.
-friday: go to workspace and hang. meet griffin at MOMA. checked out cezanne and pissaro exhibition (awesome!) and friedlander photos (great!). back to my house. dinner at my fave south african restaurant in the hood. then to bembe in williamburg for latin dance party. then to zebullon for mellow out session.
-saturday: local fort greene flea market (bought cool earrings). brunch at mexican spot. tooling around the hood (griffin and wanna both fell in love with fort greene... how can you not?). walked thru the park. wanna and i met with marieange about sri lanka project. i did errands while they continued the meeting. then off to williamsburg. met at workspace for beers and ping pong on the roof. then bar hopping all over the hood. ended up at black betty late night style. my friend got projectile puked on (lovely!).
-sunday: wanna and i did some cheapy clothes shopping. then bought picnic fixin's. fixed up some picnic yumminess. met with friends in FG park for the first soul music summit of the summer. had the best time ever eating, drinking, chilling, people watching, picture taking and of course, dancing. back to my place for the after party. then back into the city for jazz at small's. so TIRED!
monday: wanna leaves early. i go to work all day (late!). met with frenchie to have "the talk." we resolve to be friends.
-tuesday: work work work. then beach time at jones beach on long island with karina and shonda (who knew NY had such lovely beaches? impressed). then off to the erykah badu, jill scott, queen latifah, floetry concert at the ampitheater (wicked!).

now back at work. needless to say i'm exhausted and ready to chill out again. new plan is to be productive, get back in shape, save money and mellow out a bit. at least for this week!

4 frenchies and me on a boat

so the weekend sailing trip was just that... a trip.
it was actually quite nice. i honestly had no idea what to expect but the boys that i didn't know were all perfectly nice gentleman. it was by no means a party boat. it was all quite civilized, very well-organized and planned out. i didn't have to do much but sit around on the deck of the boat and be served white wine and fancy french cheeses.
the views were all quite lovely... the long island sound had so many fancy homes along the water. pretty incredible. all that sailing around with civilized french bankers looking at big fancy homes sorta made me crave "the good life." but really really thinking about it and all the b.s. that goes with that lifestyle made me change my tune.

sure, it'd be nice to have the finer things in life, but is that what life is really all about? i don't think so. i realized i enjoy that stuff from time to time, but if you have it all the time you just stop appreciating it. funny how that little trip helped me figure out what is important and what i do and don't need to be happy. nice!

unfortunately i don't have any good speedo orgy stories. like i said, there was no funny business. if it had been me and my friends i'm sure the ride would have been a little more rocky, so to speak. it was rather enjoyable to be out on the water under the summer sun but i would have done it a little differently. let's just leave it like that.

my actual 4th was lovely. brunch with my friend followed by a fun afternoon in the park and then rooftop fireworks watching from my friend's place in greenpoint. it was the perfect viewing spot. totally unobstructed, big bursts of wonderment right in front of us. loved!!

and then last night was a fantastic show at S.O.B.'s... fertile ground (my faves!) and amp fiddler. if you ever have a chance to see fertile ground play live, GO!

this just in...

it looks like i'll be taking off for the holiday weekend. it was a maybe and now it's a definite. i will be joining frenchie along with 3 other frenchies on a sailboat off of the connecticut coast this weekend! i only know my frenchie. never met the other frenchies. as far as i know, i'm going to be the only lady on this boat. weeee! it should be a hoot... if nothing else, i'll have a good story to share upon my return. and of course, pictures! i'm visualizing a boat-full of men in speedos (wonder if there is a flickr group called "speedo?"). HA!!!!!!!

too much

apologies for the lack of posts lately. i've noticed that i haven't been as keen to write now that i'm at an office space and feel like i don't have as much free time to slack off (although i still do have my fair share of slacking instant messaging sessions). i just can't seem to find time in the day to blog. and quite honestly, i haven't had all that much of interest to report. just lots of work (so far... the move to the office space is going great... business is good and i'm happy there) and plenty of summer socializing. not sure if it's due to the fact that i've been here for a good year and a half to warrant enough friends to have an active social life or if it's just the time of year when people want to be out and do stuff. in any case, i've been very very busy.

case in point: last weekend. i decided to give my group organization skills a shot in nyc. in LA it seemed like i did a lot of organization of group activities and was actually a little happy to move to a place where i didn't know many people and would thus, retire my position as the party planner. well, i'm back at it. i suppose i just like to do it. i decided to plan a potluck picnic in prospect park (notice the alliteration?). antibalas and soulive were playing a free show on friday and i thought it to be the perfect time to invite people out.

well, it was a huge success. friends invited friends who invited more friends and we ended up having well over 30 people show up who all pitched in, bringing yummy food and beverages. the night was perfect, the music was great and everyone got along swimmingly. i couldn't have been more pleased with my first attempt at something like this. yay!

saturday morning was tough since i had to get up at 6am to go meet the kids from the homeless shelter. our volunteer group took 12 kids out on the delaware river on the new jersey/pennsylvania border. we were out on the river for over 4 hours under burning heat. and the river had little to no current (we were actually paddling against the wind on many occassions). the kids remained in relatively good spirits with minor complaints like "how much further?" and "my arms hurt." yeah, my arms hurt too (feeling the pain today!) but i managed to keep the troops going. i also played swim instructor/human buoy. many of the kids didn't know how to swim and even though they were wearing life vests, they didn't like being out in deep water. at one point i had about 3 kids holding on to me for dear life, dunking me under as we went down the river. with much encouragement, i got 2 of the kids to let go, hold their head back and float! once they mastered that, they didn't want to get out. pretty neat!

i was sooooo tired after that day but managed to get to GAS (work space) for a rooftop movie screening. very fun, but i was too out of it to really enjoy. and sunday was mellow movie day. saw "rize" and "batman begins." both pretty darn good. rize made me miss LA and want to move my body like those kids. i attempted the "stripper style" krumping (it's really called that in the film) in the mirror when i got home, but didn't come close. i could mimic the butt motion but the speed was impossible. and batman was better than expected although not amazing by any means. oh and while i'm on movies, go see "mad hot ballroom." loved.

see, boring writing. but at least you know why i've been too busy too write. promise to write more interesting stuff soon... as soon as something interesting happens. ;)

before and after

yes, it's that time again. before and after pics of my hair. "who friggin cares?" you're probably asking yourself. well, i enjoy before and afters. and this is my blog and i'm gonna do what i want. heh.
so as you'll see, my fab stylist margie did a lovely job of simply shaping up my 4 month grown out yucky-poo-poo hair (mostly the bangs). me likey.


before


after

boston trip pics

flickr pics from beantown trip last weekend.

my MJ theory

ok, ok, we all know jacko got off. fine. i'm still torn on whether he actually did those things or not. i do think his behaviour with young boys is inappropriate, but who knows if he actually acted on his weird fantasties. i still blame the mothers who send their boys to neverland.

in any case, i have my own MJ theory. it seems totally viable to me and i'm surprised that more people don't think the same thing. sure it's a little outrageous, but it makes perfect sense. everytime i tell someone, they scratch their head and think "yeah, maybe!"

so here's my theory. i think michael jackson is a castrato. it's a well-known fact that joe jackson, michael's father, was totally in control of the boy's life starting at a very early age. michael started singing with the jackson 5 at age 5 and as soon as joe saw that michael was going to be the star of the group, he held him under serious pressure. let's also take into consideration that michael has publicly accused his father of abuse.

ok, so michael's stardom of the jackson 5 basically got the family out of the ghetto. joe knows this. he also knows that michael is getting older and that his signature "high" voice is going to change soon. so what does he do in his thirst for fame and greed? CHOPS OFF HIS KIDS' BALLS!

i know, i know, it's a stretch. but here is my evidence:

1. that high voice that never changed. what's up with that voice of his? it's weird that it's so high pitched, right?

2. back in the hey day of michael's solo career, his signature move was grabbing his crotch and yelping "OW!" remember that? what the hell was that all about anyway? perhaps a little secret sign to the fans???

3. his fascination with young boys. we all know that michael's childhood was taken away from him and thus, he wants to live like a child (uh, neverland, monkeys as pets, inviting kids over for sleepovers). and perhaps, if my theory is correct, he is into exploring these boys because he remembers himself as a boy... he's never been a man!

4. ok, so he supposedly has fathered children. have you looked at those kids? THEY ARE WHITE! there's no way in hell his sperm made those kids!

5. changing his appearance. he's been so disgusted with himself and what his father did to him, that he's obsessed with altering his looks (trying to move as far away from looking like the man that "created" him) and thus, perpetuates his own self-mutilation (let's not forget the song "man in the mirror").

am i that off?

hot times in the city

phew. the summer is here. a couple days ago our lovely spring weather turned H-O-T. it's the kind of hot i really can't stand and turns me into a bit of a bitch, constantly complaining about how crap it is outside. but, like everything else in NYC, it's just something we get used to (thanks to greg, i have my A/C installed again which makes being inside tolerable). joy. at least there are plenty of fun summer activities on the horizon to make me forget about the annoying humidity factor.
the weekends in june are quickly booking up and i'm excited. this week... boston to see my friend danny's play, visit with my old pal greg and hang out with aggie. i'm thinking walks through the garden and commons, a little stroll down newberry and charles streets, a visit to panaficio (my old work place), the esplanade, and of course, a trip to boston would not be complete without a shopping spree at the garment district (dollar a pound baby). yay!
the weekend after that, there are talks about a sailing trip with frenchie! i'm not getting my hopes up just yet, but it was brought up last night and that just sounds divine! fingers crossed (oh, and in case you were wondering, things with him are going great... who knew?).
and the weekend after that, i'll be accompanying my friend karina to woodstock for a little upstate country escape. she's got tons of friends up there, one with a huge house and amazing property... complete with lots of acreage, deer roaming around and a swimming hole! she's been talking of weekend yard sales, outdoor cookouts, thrifting in town, hikes, brunches, and dancing to the local hippie bands. i cannot wait!
bring on the summer.

Bear, cutest pooch ever

Bear, cutest pooch ever
Originally uploaded by megasoul.

meet bear. he is the new workspace mascot and so damn cute! we love bear!!! you should too.

jersey camping

this weekend i joined terra and kevin and their 4 other (couple) friends on a jersey camping excursion. their other "single" friend was supposed to come but bailed out so i was the lone single. it wasn't actually that bad. t & k are not couple-y so it was fine. but the other 2 were constant hands on... just reaffirming my singlehood. eh, whatever, i'm a big girl. the other problem was that i was a tad bit under the weather. don't know if it was a cold or bad allergies, but i wasn't feeling my usual "let's party in the woods" self. strike two. last bad thing was it rained on saturday right after we put up our tents. of course i brought my shitty one person tent that has poor waterproofing and thus got wet inside. basically, i slept in a puddle feeling not so great by myself in my lowly one person crappy tent. HA! belive me, i'm not bitching, i'm just laughing at the situation.
other than all that, it was great! it was so nice to be out of the city. the campsite was gorgeous. the trees were at their peak bright spring green! we did a fantastic hike on sunday. and we ate and ate and ate delicious camping food (burgers, dogs, s'mores, bacon and eggs, the whole bit). mighty enjoyable!
for images, go here.

weekend to do list

friday:
-meet terra and cindy for after work drinks.
-drink beer, eat free pizza, get tipsy.
-head to cool bar and dance to brazilian drums.
-go home, pass out.

saturday:
-meet frenchie for brunch.
-talk about being conflicted about dating him (and resolve to keep it super mellow).
-go to office and work on suba ud website.
-go back to fort greene, check out the cafe habana outpost, get some delicious corn... stoked!
-head home and rearrange apartment (turn old office into new bedroom).
-pass out early.

sunday:
-wake up in new bedroom, make tea and read in bed.
-meet towers and laura to see the new star wars movie at the ziegfeld theater.
-use new membership card to kill some time at MOMA.
-head down to CampInteractive office for an ICO meeting.
-accompany a few ICO members to check out a jazz band a few blocks away.
-meet up with brent and friends for his 30th birthday celebration.
-go home, pass out.

in with the new

it's official... i no longer work out of my home. woo-hoo!!! it feels so damn good to get up and go to work. whenever i want! ha.
and i've actually been getting going early. it's amazing what this has done for me so far. i worked a full day yesterday and got so much done. i'm pretty pleased. not only that, but i got three calls for more work yesterday. see, you change things up and the universe grants you good things. i snapped a couple pics of space which can be viewed here. so far, it's just olia (owner of the space and jewelry designer extraordinaire) and myself. soon enough the empty spaces will be filled with more creative people. more on that when it happens. it's new and raw and exciting. i'm very happy with the decision thus far.
oh, and if you'll notice, i changed the title of this here blog. although "megasoul takes manhattan" was a fantastic title (thanks to ariel), i realized how little time i spend in manhattan these days. i've really become quite the brooklynite. and am loving it. thus, the name change. what do you think? guess you have to know i came from fallbrook to really get it. but now you know.

stevie is my god

"wonder-full" was just that... wonderful. a packed dance floor of all ages, colors and creeds with giant smiles on their faces singing along and dancing to the genius that is stevie wonder. what is it about that man's music that just exudes positivity? the energy in the place was about as happy and blissful as could be. even when it was too hot and someone was stomping your on feet, you just smiled and kept on singing and dancing. when they played "heaven is 10 zillion light years away" it became a religious experience. picture 100s of people singing along to the words "in my heart i can feel it, feel his spirit," all hands raised in the air, feeling the love. the church of stevie wonder. too bad they don't have that party every month instead of once a year... i think we could all use a little more wonder in our lives.

hard core!

something about riding a bike through the streets of brooklyn makes me feel hard core. just got back from a fantastic bike ride up to prospect heights to pick up the tickets to this tomorrow night (i can't tell you how much i'm looking forward to this party!). it was so lovely out and i was so much enjoying being out on the bike that i decided to keep going and rode up through prospect park. it was gorgeous! so many brooklynites chillin and playing in the park. i rode through the whole place checking out the pretty trees and ponds and stuff. only one chink along the way... my chain got stuck as i was coming out the park. as i was fiddling with it, a nice man came over and helped me and gave pointers to the bike novice. loving the friendly community of bikers.
i had so much energy when i got home that i decided to make a shirt for tomorrow night. i was going back and forth between what i wanted the shirt to say and went with "TOO HIGH." seemed fitting since that's one of my favorite stevie songs and i'm expecting to be too high on stevie tunes tomorrow. heh.
report on "wonder-full" to come.

turn that frown up-side-down

ok, so i had a little set back yesterday. i thought it over and i decided i'm going to go for the studio work space. i did a test bike ride over there this morning to check out the space again and i think it's going to be good for me. i really really need to get out of the house. i think it'll be great for me to be around other creatives rather than locked in my little head with no one to exchange ideas with and feed off of. i need this. and i'm gonna make it work. new goals are in order. it's time to change things up!

so next week i will be commuting 20 minutes away to williamsburg (yeah, i know... i think it'll be nice to work there... lots of resources... but i still get to come home to the park and the brownstone and trees!). i will have to get dressed and brush my teeth and leave the apartment in the morning! i will get my coffee down the street on my way to work and i'll be like a regular working person... BUT working for myself. i got a couple new business ideas in the works, graphics stuff and silk screening stuff and this space will be perfect for all new ventures. i will be working around a jewelry designer, a book designer, an indie film production company, a painter/sculptor, and possibly some screen printers. sounds good to moi.

here are a couple pics of the space... i'll take more when i get in there next week!
click studio space

shiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiit

why, oh why did i not read the fine print??? why, oh why did i assume that i was signing a document which stated what was talked about instead of what was actually written? i'm kicking myself! i'm so pissed off.

today i learned that my rent is going to increase because my lease is up. i was 99% sure that i had originally signed a 2 year lease when i got this place. i specifically remember sitting there with the manager and the broker. the broker said i should sign a 2 year lease to keep the "prefered" rental rate instead of the legal rent. i remember being hesitant, but agreeing to the 2 year lease. well, when i looked at the paper today, questioning why i had to sign a rental renewal, i noticed that sure enough, the lease i signed had a little check mark next to 1 year lease, not 2. and for my stupid stupid stupid misfortune, i will now be charged the legal amount which just so happens to be $150 more than what i've been paying! arrrrrrrrrrg!

this also just so happens to fall on the day that i decided i was going to take my business out of my apartment. my friend recently got a big work space that she's dividing into smaller spaces for artists to share. she had an opening this weekend and i thought it would be the perfect opportunity to get my ass out of the house and start being ultra productive on the work front. working from home has it's advantages, sure. but i do notice an increase in productivity when i don't have the option for a nap or watching oprah. getting up and out of the house seems to be much better for my psyche.

so here in lies my dilemna... do i suck it up and take the work space, hoping that i will be ultra productive and won't have a problem paying more for home rent and work space? or do i stay put? moving into a new apartment is not an option for me at the moment. it would mean paying the same amount for an equal sized space in the same area or sharing (which i will not go back to). the good thing about the work space is there is no lease involved (month to month basis and it is very affordable). i think i'm gonna go for it, attempt to get in crazy busy work mode and hope for the best. they always say the risk takers are better in business anyway. thoughts? opinions?

may the forth be with you

mark was passing through town last night, on his way back to LA coming from vienna. when he arrived at my place, he told me that his friends invited us to a party in williamsburg (why is shit always in williamsburg?). anyway, i was a little leary, since we were told it was some weird star wars party. i was picturing a bunch of dorky dudes swillin a few in a heated star wars roll playing game.

don't get me wrong. i love a good dork party, but when we were told it was a wednesday night kegger, we were there. getting out of the car on a dark industrial street off broadway, we saw two other people looking around the decrepid building. as we walked up to them, the girl looked at me and questioned "may the forth be with you?" i wasn't sure if she had a lisp or if i was missing something, but i figured it had to have something to do with the star wars party.

we found the entrance to the basement loft style apartment and it seemed empty. but as we walked back into the depths of the creepy place, we saw the sausage fest happening in the back... lots of boys wearing "revenge of the sith" and "jedi knight" shirts milling around with plastic cups of cheap beer. perfect! we found our friends in a quiet nook in one of the make-shift bedrooms. pouring our cups' worth of keg beer and making ourselves comfortable, we settled into the weird star wars party.

sure, it was a strange place, but i was having a good time. about 1am, the party host threw on the disco version of the star wars theme song by meko. HA!! i was loving it and got into some serious chair dancing. not too much later, the host went back to his itunes and put on a super cheesy dance party mix... we're talking one of those cd's you can buy off tv called "sizzlin' hot party jams" or something. soon enough the dorks streamed into the little bedroom and started shaking their rumps to the likes of "in da club" and "big poppa." hilarious! all of us got up and got into it too. an impromptu geek fest wednesday night kegger dance party, with a star wars theme. OH, and i found out what was up with the girl with the lisp earlier... it was may 4th... may the forth be with you!!" pretty clever!

dating 101

why have i never done this dating thing before? it's so good. so telling. making decisions about dudes seems so much easier. (thanks amy, you were right!!)

here's the current scenario. frenchie is date boy #1, musician is date boy #2. i had met musician before i left for california a few months ago and he had that whole cool persona thing down. so freakin typical of me to go for a musician. so predictable, but it's what i know and i went with it. we had gone out the night before i left for cali and had a lot to say to each other. he was funny, into the whole pop culture thing, knew his music (stevie wonder being his favorite won him major bonus points) and we the chemistry was there. basically he seemed like a fun guy and i was eager to hang out when i got back to ny. when i did get back it seemed impossible to find a time to get together. either i had plans the night he was free or he had some gig til the wee hours of the night and i wasn't too keen on starting this thing off as a late night booty call situation. i was genuinely interested in getting to know him, to see what he was all about.

in the meantime, i met frenchie who was musician's complete opposite. was terrific at making a plan and following through, kept regular job hours, didn't have the joe cool persona, could talk about smart stuff instead of tv shows (heh), etc, etc. like i said in an earlier post, i thought he was a nice boy but i wasn't totally sure yet.

so the weekend rolled around and i finally had a date set up with musician. he said he had rehearsal until 8 that night and could we hang out after. 8 seemed doable. he didn't have a plan either, just wanted me to come by his place and we'd figure it out. fine. whatever. it already wasn't going the way i would have liked, but i was giving it a chance. during the day, he calls me to ask if i can pick up a bottle of wine because he's too busy (but he'd pay me back for it of course). uh, ok, i guess i could do that. so 9 rolls around, he calls, says he's so tired and needs to lay down for a bit and could we make it 10? sure, fine buddy, whatever. he lives close-ish, so i walk over there at 10 at night... and his hood was sketchy. i wasn't a very happy camper.

when i arrive, no plan is made. he's hungry (it was past 10 and naturally i had already eaten) so i accompany him to get some food around the corner. after he eats and the bill comes, he realizes he doesn't have enough cash and can i front him some money. so i fork over half the bill. lovely. we ended up just going back to his place to drink the wine that i brought (in which he throws me a couple 5's to cover the cost... which didn't cover it, but who's counting?) and play a board game (which was mildly entertaining). during the few hours of hanging out the jerk takes 2 cell phones calls. and long ones! no "oh, i've got a friend over, can i call you back later?" straight up 10 minute conversations while i'm sitting there twiddling my thumbs (although he made the "i'm sorry gesture," he still didn't get off). ooo, that irritates me. basically, i was not impressed in the slightest and frenchie was looking damn good.

and let me tell you... last night with frenchie was fantastic. none of that first date gitters stuff. he came to my neighborhood and let me pick the restaurant. we talked and talked and talked about interesting stuff... politics, economy, education, etc. he's so freaking smart (slightly intimidating, but intelligence is the ultimate turn on). his phone rang once during the meal and he just turned it off. when the bill came, there was no weird stuff. like a perfect gentleman, it wasn't even a question. in my old age, i sure have come to appreciate chivalry and the old fashioned ways. he said he had brought me a bottle of wine (he brought ME wine!) and so we went back to my house to drink some and watched a movie. and i'll just say that i'm not questioning whether i'm into him or not. he totally won me over and things worked out just fine. who knew that a person could grow on you? amazing.

the funniest part about this whole dating thing is this... if frenchie wasn't around i KNOW i would be making excuses for musician's shitty behavior. and if musician weren't around i may still be unsure about frenchie. one cancels out the other. and the smart, sweet gentleman wins!

New friends

New friends
Originally uploaded by megasoul.

My first inner city outings adventure. We took a group of kids from Flatlands Family Residence (a homeless shelter) out to Harriman State Park for a rainy day hike. A great day even in the wetness!

my alter ego?

megan hill: ...great versatility... should enable her to quickly adapt to a high level of play ... great attitude and mentality is motivating to teammates. GO NAVY! HAHA (provided by google image search for megan hill)

why i suck

i've mulled it over in my head and i feel like a big jerk for my thoughts on last night's date. i thank you kind friends for sending your words of wisdom about my lame dating philosophy, enlightening me to think otherwise. you cannot judge someone by one meeting. it's impossible. i've just been one for gut feelings, that's all. i've always gone with my instincs but let's take a good hard look at where it's gotten me. yes ladies and gentlemen, i'm still single. i kind of pride myself on being picky with men but let's not forget some of the lame-o's i've ended up with. it'd be nice to try a new way. getting to know someone gradually instead of jumping on them the first night, getting hot and heavy the next few months and then letting the fire die because all you really had in common was steamy loving. new experiment... wait it out, take it slowly and see what happens. that's what i'd like to do next time. i'm still a jerk, but a jerk who's trying to learn from her past mistakes and make herself better. the end.

no sex and the city

dating. what a novel concept. i don't think i've ever really "dated" before. the way it's worked for me in the past is i usually like a boy, go out with him and then he's my boyfriend. or not. but i've never done this "testing the waters" with different guys sort of thing. and i'm still not totally sure how i feel about it. i'm not possitive how to handle the situation.

last night i went on an actual proper date. it's been about a year since i've done that. i met this nice young man (let me emphasize the word young) last week at a function. he was cute and very smart and we had a lot to talk about. we were both a little tipsy, the conversation flowed nicely and i gave him my number. like a good boy, he called me the next day to set up a date. huh. i like when things work that way.

so i met him at a lovely italian restaurant last night in williamsburg. i was sort of dreading the whole "official date" thing. i usually prefer a casual encounter because for some reason the dinner thing puts an added pressure on an evening. but it was fine. i think he was a little nervous as the coversation started out a little forced. but as the wine flowed, so did the chatting.

after dinner we headed to this awesome bar. super french (like this boy), great atmosphere and a fantastic african jazzy band. loved it. we drank mint tea and talked about dating histories (always a fun topic of conversation on a first date... allows one to gage what the other is thinking... like are they into just dating or a serious something). this boy seemed pretty into me, complimenting me, saying how he was having such a nice time, bla bla bla. these are usually good things, but i'm an asshole and made me doubt him. i don't know. i suck. he was a perfect gentleman. he's very intelligent, was funny and sweet, is ambitious with a great job, the whole bit. and i just don't know how i feel. he seemed to be missing that certain something that makes me giddy for a boy at first. like he's not a poor as fuck asshole who treats me shitty. goddammit. will i ever learn???

the question is, do i go out with him again? i had a very nice time with him. i'm sure he would treat me wonderfully and we'd continue to have fun times. BUT i don't know if he's someone that would grow on me or not. can you continue going on dates with someone without it leading to sex right away? perhaps an experiment is in order... can it be done?

my new bike

my new bike
Originally uploaded by megasoul.

check it! this was my weekend purchase. freedom on the streets on NYC. look out summer, here i come!

hurts so good.

i've lived in nyc for a little over a year and a half now and i finally found my ideal african dance class last night. YAY!! besides my friends, the main thing i miss about LA is my african dance class... the famous nigerian dance and drum ensemble taught by omowali with drums lead by her husband, francis awe. i always looked forward to wednesday nights... heading down to pico and la brea to "move that back" and sweat to the drums. it was always a spiritually uplifting experience and since i've been in ny, i've really missed it.

i honestly didn't make a huge effort to find an equivalent class in ny just because i knew there could never be a replacement for omowali and awe's class. i had heard about djoniba dance and drum center but i was wasn't convinced. i did actually take a class there when i first got here. it was something like haitan and was really really really hard, thus detering me from going back. i kind of gave up on finding the perfect class.

well, it just so turned out that one of my friend's had been taking djoniba's class all winter long. when i got back last weekend i had an email telling me that she was going to be in a performance for the center. so i went, hoping that i'd be inspired to go back. that was just what the doctor ordered. those drums! those hotties playing the drums! the dance moves! the energy! and the widely diverse group of men and women performing made me want to check it out for sure.

so i went to djoniba's class last night and it was GREAT!!!! granted, it's no nigerian talking drum ensemble, but it was damn close. the warm-up was super intense. i haven't done that many crunches and leg lifts in years (and man, do i feel the pain today. ouch!!). then was the break-down of a routine which i actually amazingly caught on to. next the drummers came in and wailed on those skins. the energy in the room was buzzing. and then we did the routine, ten times faster then we had learned it of course.i couldn't quite keep up but with a little more practice, i think i'll be just fine. so excited... i can already visualize my new hard bod. HA!

hipper than thou

ah williamsburg. the mecca for wanna-be cools. i still can't quite figure out how such a seemingly small area encompasses so many youngsters that are too hip for their own good. it boggles the mind.

last night was my friend's benefit fashion show. it was for a good cause. support for the north brooklyn alliance, hosted by this cool store in williamsburg. needless to say it drew a rather interesting crowd. there were some of the strangest outfits imaginable. i just can't see how some one can look in the mirror wearing a small, weird shaped piece of fabric they call a dress, with their free-flowing tits all over the place, bad un-brushed hair, ugly old moccassin boots and think they look good. i guess it's that "i'm too cool for fashion" fashionista thing. or something. i don't get it.

even though some of the outfits were strange, the crowd was enthusiastic and full of energy, whooping it up and hollering for their friends' designs. and it wasn't your standard fashion show either. each designer came up with a routine for their models. it was more like a performance which was pretty fun. the acts ranged from song and dance numbers, to hoopers (yes ariel, hoopers!), acrobats, and strippers. and there were a few actual performers in between designers. my favorite was a woman who freakin rocked it! she did a strip tease that may be the best strip tease i've ever seen. first the dress came off, then the bra, then the pasties, then the underwear. as she strut around totally butt naked, she actually lip synced the rock song with her butt cheeks. then faced forward and lip synced with her "other" lips. i was dying. and although it sounds nasty, it was pretty rad.

the night ended at the after party at capone's (yes terra, the free pizza place!!). when you order a beer, you get a free delicious pizza. what a deal!! i chatted it up with a nice young french boy. a smarty stanford grad. and i'll just stop it right there. loving spring time in NYC! weeeeeee.........

happy to be back

at the moment, NY is the most beautiful i've ever seen it. it's been absolutely perfect weather since i got back... sunny, blue skies, cool breeze. and the blossoms are outrageous. my park, fort greene park, is a vision of perfect spring time activity. kids out playing, adults having picnics, people tossing the frisbee, young folks reading on a blanket on the hill. pure springy joy! i'm definitely enjoying the return. kinda planned that one just right.

unfortunately, i've been super buys (still) and can't run around and play outside. i got some good weekend chilling in, but now that it's back to the work week, i gotta get to it. juggling 6 projects which have me a little stressed out, but it's all getting done and there will finally be a little cash flowage coming through. which means i can pay off my debt and start saving for the next trip.

i'm still set on south america, but africa has been calling my name too. in the book i'm reading right now (yes, another travel book) the traveler is in kenya and it just seems amazing. i never had a huge desire to go, but recently i'm fascinated. and to top it off, i got sucked into a PBS program last night about animals emotions. i don't know what got into me but it was like a waterworks show. every little story about these amazing animals had me tearing up. the mere-cats of africa staying with their dying mother til the bitter end. the momma elephant who saved her baby who fell in the quick sand. and oh god, the real tear-jerker... the dog who risked his own life to save the little boy. jeezus! i was a blubbering idiot and laughing at myself for bawling over a tv show. needless to say, i'd love to be up close and personal with animals in their own habitats in africa some day. more travelling to come. but first, some NY spring time adventures. i promise i'll have a good city story next time i write.

SPRING!!

yellow up close
Originally uploaded by megasoul.

spring time is in full effect in NYC. LOVING!

can't make up my mind

i know i've changed this damn blog template a bunch of times and i apologize for my inability to make a decision and stick with it. if it were up to me, i'd design my own damn blog template, but i can't deal with a bunch of code right now, when all i really have to do is choose one of the 20 templates blogger gives me and click "use this template." it's too easy and i'm lazy, ok? maybe someday i'll get off my ass and do it, but for now, i've gone back to the original. clean, simple, a little bubbly with a touch of design. the last one was nice for a while, but amy was right, it was a little on the pirate-y side (and the sidebar was pain to change). so here you are. hopefully i'll stick with this one (until they decide to come up with some new fancy templates).
if you'll notice, i added some links in the sidebar. please check out the suba ud site and the handy paypal donation button. it's easy to donate now. even just a couple bucks will help!
and if i you have a site i left out, lemme know!

D.I.Y.

sorry for the lack of posts lately. honestly i haven't had much to report. just been working my little hiney off. so many projects and too little time. happy to be back into a good work flow through. been quite productive and feel good for it.

not only have i accomplished design projects, but this weekend also proved to be very rewarding in the D.I.Y. department. my grandma's old house has been for sale for some time and hasn't sold yet. i've sort of been in charge of getting it in shape so that it will sell more quickly and my mom and i took care of business over the weekend. i've never done so much manual labor and i must admit, i liked it. working with my hands, planting little plants in the yard, raking, making a cool planter, screwing in hardware, priming and painting a deck and on and on. the place looks ten million times better than it did and i just hope the damn thing sells soon. think good thoughts.

i think it's hilarious that upon entering the 30s, i have more than one friend dealing with real estate. both buying and selling. i remember hearing my parents talking about escrow and refinancing and equity and interest rates and never knowing what any of it meant. now all of a sudden, i do! guess it's all just part of growing up.

country bumpkin in the big city

for the first time in a long time, i felt like i was a rural hick in the big city. a true bridge and tunnel-er, if you will. i'd been down in fallbrook for a week and a half with not much to do but work and watch the old tellie. i don't really have any friends left down here. and the ones that are here are married with lots of babies... so we don't have a whole lot in common. not to mention the nightlife situation here is pretty much non-existent. sure i could make my way over to ron's red eyed saloon for a couple tall ones with the local winos. or i could head over to ringers for some country karaoke. riiiight!

so instead, i played it cool for the week and headed up to LA for the weekend. by the time i got up there it was like i had been couped up for a long time, because i really felt the need to let loose. haven't had that feeling in some time. i wanted to be out with the people, drink a bit, hear some tunes, and dance. and i did just that. it was a weekend full of socializing. from old LA friends, to old college buddies, to former co-workers, even my old roommate! the weekend was action packed and now that i'm back down in fallbrook, i'm kinda happy to be amongst the peace and quiet again. LA can be an amazingly fun place, but all that socializing gets tiresome. damn, i guess i am turning into an old lady!

ok, cali isn't so bad

it's going to be in the mid-80s today. i'm wearing a skirt! and flip flops! if truth be told, i'm loving this. a little summer preview. never knew i was such a sucker for warmth. you can take the girl out of california, but you can't take california out of the girl.

from fallbrook to sri lanka

not too much to report from the ol' hometown. it's been sunny and gorgeous. i've been getting a little action on my freckle tan. been working on my oh so many projects (9 to 5 baby). i've done my 8 minute abs workout every day since i've been here (though, i can't see any results yet!). i even JOGGED yesterday (no idea what got into me, but i did)! i've been watching way too much reality TV. luckily i'm heading up to LA this weekend for a little fun with friends and some musical culture. rural life is nice, but i'm already into a regular routine. i can't really complain though... i'm gonna go swimming in a few! weee...

on the other side of the globe, my dear friend wanna is working her little hiney off in sri lanka. i highly recommend reading her latest tales. pretty heavy stuff. i also want you to watch this quicktime slideshow she put together. the images are from a puppet show event they put on for the camps (it's a little large, but worth it). we're in the process of getting them set up with a paypal account so it will be easier for us computer geeks to send some fundage. i think it's a really really really good cause. the pictures tell it all. more to come...
in the meantime, be sure to check out their blog.

birthday road trip pics!

here you go

birthday weekend report

what a good idea... escaping the 30th birthday hoopla and head for the hills with my better half. amy and i blazed up highway 5 straight to santa cruz on friday afternoon. it was pure hippie heaven. kinda like stepping right back into college times. the trip kinda went that way... a theme of life in the 20s, on into the 30s and beyond. starting in hippieville (the college years... partying hard and dancing to silly music), then up to san francisco for fancy ladies out on the town (life in our late 20s... we got a little cash now and we want to spend it in style) and finishing off in outdoor safari wonderment surrounded by elders and their offspring (i'm guessing what we have to look forward to).

santa cruz was hanging with a couple of my old high school homies who i hadn't seen in ages. same old guys doing the same old things. drinking beers, smoking and dancing to really bad dancehall at a club with the worst sound system in history. thing that bugged us out was that these santa cruz kids were loving it... noodle dancing and sweating all over the place... like it was the best music they'd ever heard. it was weird. all amy and i could do was laugh and marvel at these kids. were we that dorky looking during in the phish years? yeah, i'm sure we were. scary. it was like the ghost of christmas past took us back so we could see how far we'd come since then.

if santa cruz was the past, than san francisco was the present. we stayed at this too hip for it's own good hotel. it was basically a souped up motel that was trying a little too hard. luckily the toilet in our given room broke and we got upgraded to a snazzy suite. bonus! we got all gussied up and hit the town by cab. started out in north beach wandering the streets for a good place to get a drink and a bit of food. luck was on our side again as we ended up at this amazing brazilian restaurant. and the host just happened to know about a brazilian club with live drumming for later. perfect. we made our way to a hip hoppy club for a minute then made our way down to the mission district for brazilian times. they almost didn't let us in, but when i begged and told the guy it was my birthday (proving it with my ID), he let us in. so much fun!!! amy and i were feeling really good by then and the drums were ON. such a great samba band. we shook our asses and got sweaty to the beats. a perfect ladies out on the town evening.

next up was safari west. the place was owned my amy's family friends so we got the royal treatment for free! the place was beautiful. it was set up like you were on a real african safari... staying in "luxury" tents, eating yummy bbq meals, and going out on safari looking at all the exotic animals on their 400 acres of land. very cool. only bummer was the weather. it pretty much rained the entire time. but that didn't stop the fun... we managed to make friends with some of the others staying there. grandmas and moms and their kids. we played cards and drank delicious wine from napa valley and chatted the night away. life in the slow lane. and thoroughly enjoyable.

all in all it was the perfect well-rounded weekend of fun. yay for 30! bring it on!!!

30 and fabulous?

it's been 4 days now that i've been an official 30 year old. it's not as bad as everyone's making it out to be. i can't tell you how many people told me how awful their 30th birthday was... how they mourned and cried over the transition from their 20s to 30s. sure, it's a little scary. i didn't wake up and have it all figured out. i've come to grips with the fact that i probably won't EVER have it all figured out. i just feel lucky that i have my health and my youthful looks. i think the best part for me about being 30 is that now when people ask how old i am and i say "30" the usual response has been "NO WAY. you don't look a day over 26." i like that.

one annoyance i have noticed though... the old metabolism ain't quite as speedy as it used to be. everyone always says once you hit 30, it's all downhill in terms of keeping up the body. i've always been one of those annoying people that's never really gained much weight, whether i eat like crap and never lift a leg or not. since about college, i've been about the same weight, fluctuating within a 5 pound range. i've never had to think about it. i was just lucky like that.

i'm not sure if it's purely coincidental that i've noticed the slowing of my metabolism lately... has turning 30 really added a few extra pounds of fleshy softness? or was it all that ice cream, mac and cheese and mashed potatoes that i ate all winter long while never moving my body more than apartment to subway stop? i'm sure it's both. but seriously, i've been a sloth before and i've never had to unbutton my pants while sitting at my desk! it sucks.

i decided it's high time i do something about it. nothing drastic of course. can you imagine ME getting up early and jogging? HA! nah, i'm just gonna try not to eat as much crap and do a little more exercise than usual. i'm getting a bike as soon as spring hits in ny. i'll try to get my ass to yoga more. if i don't put in a little more effort, i'm gonna turn into another unhealthy obese american and i refuse to be that person. so in some respects, getting older is a little rough.

medical mary jane

i cannot believe this. my friends in LA are getting bonafide perscriptions for marijuana! i now know 2 people here who have honest to god pieces of paper stating their "medical conditions" and need for the use of grass. seems like any joe schmoe can just walk into this so called pharmacy, tell dr. weed of their woes and how the only thing that seems to help is cannibis, get a crappy piece of paper with the doc's signature and buy the best the government can grow RIGHT THERE behind the counter (and there's not just one kind... the buyer gets many many choices)! i'm dumbfounded.

i need to know... is this a scam, or is this the real deal? it seems just too good to be true.

things are looking up

just a couple days left til i head out west. i know i was worrying about missing out on some NY goodness (spring's arrival for the mostpart) and some pending work, but it seems as though all things are working out just fine.

by some sort of miracle, those 2 jobs i interviewed for a couple days ago went really really well. both interviewers loved me and my work (woo-hoo! nice little ego boost there). both had work starting next week, which is too bad that i'll miss out on... what are you gonna do? BUT, both need help when i get back too (one right when i get back, and one starting in the summer). so it looks as though i'll have some solid work to come home to. YES! this means i can be a little more stress-free about earning a steady paycheck after my month is cali. perfecto.

it's also STILL snowing here. we had to actually postpone the skating event for the kids tonight because the weather is too shitty (the party is still happening which is good though). needless to say, i'm stoked be out of this crap weather for a while. i just really really don't want to miss the arrival of greenery (but i have a feeling spring's gonna wait for me to get home). so it looks as though my timing of this trip, which i thought was gonna be horrible, is turning out a-ok. phew!

in other news, i must confess... i love the subway! i've been riding it a lot these past few days and i believe it's the most effecient transportation system ever (when it's running properly of course). it only took me 40 minutes to go from 96th street (top of manhattan) to brooklyn the other day! and it was pain-free. no stress behind the wheel. just me, my ipod, and my insatiable fascination with human beings. people are so interesting. sometimes there is a ridiculously cute boy i can't stop staring at and hope to make eye contact with. and sometimes there's a crazy woman talking to herself, rustling through her bag, and furiously rubbing lotion on her hands for the entire train ride. mostly, i like to look at the faces. what are they into? what are they thinking? what have they been through in their lives? what kind of day did they have? faces tell a lot. and to be in such close proximity with total strangers... it's an odd circumstance. but one of the main things i love about nyc.

tsunami relief

one of my dearest friends in the whole world is presently in sri lanka, doing relief work with tsunami victims. it's amazing what wanna's doing and i'm so proud of her and her efforts. she's there with 2 other american women who are working under the International Organization of Migration. their main goal right now is to bring a livelihood back to the people that have lost everything. i realized i just wrote a couple posts back about supporting my volunteer groups for kids in new york city, but this cause is so so so big and any help you could provide to their group in sri lanka would mean the world to them (wanna said any amount will help--from $4 for a daily translator to $40 for a ride to the nearest town to bring back supplies).

i'm currently helping them with their blog about what they're doing for the people there. it's the best i can do from here, besides asking everyone i know to help contribute to the cause. if you're interested, please read their blog suba ud and see what kind of work they are doing. there is also all the information needed to contribute funds directly to their account set up in sri lanka. in the days to come, i am going to try and get local companies to donate art supplies and sports equipment to be sent over there. if anyone has any leads or ideas of where to go or who to ask, i'd appreciate it. thanks!

go figure

ever since i got back to ny after the new zealand trip and the xmas holidays, i've been sorta stuggling with getting enough work to pay the bills. i've been just sliding by, doing little jobs here and there, living a very minimal expense existence (you know, making soups, buying the cheap 1 ply toilet paper, never taking cabs, that sort of thing). in this slow period, i figured it would be ok to go to california for a bit, take care of some business, make some cash, have a little fun while subletting my apartment here.

in the meantime, i've also been frantically sending out resumes and having meetings with agencies to drum up more work. well, well, well, wouldn't you know that the week before i leave for a friggin month, i have both of my agencies wanting to send me out on freelance jobs AND 2 interviews for other work! i KNEW this would happen. ugh! why couldn't they have found me work last month, when i was broke and desperate for cash???

well, i decided i would go to these interviews anyway. it'll be good experience and perhaps something could still happen with them when i get back. besides, when i say i'm leaving for a month on assignment it'll look like i'm high demand. crafty thinking, eh? i'm just trying to look on the bright side. but wouldn't you know?

spring on the brain

i guess this has been my first full winter in new york. last year i managed to be away for the worst of it and it seemed pretty short. i didn't understand how everyone kept complaining about the shitty cold season. i didn't really mind it and didn't get the big deal.

but this year sure feels like it's been dragging. there are still patches of snow on the ground, i still have to check NY1 to see what the weather is before heading outside, and i'm still wearing heavy layers complete with hat, scarf and gloves. and all i can really think about it t-shirt weather, having picnics in the park, seeing that tree outside my window all leafy and green again and buying that bike so i can cruise around brooklyn. ah... spring will be here soon. i guess i now truly understand the meaning of seasons.

i have a feeling my longing for spring also has to do with finally being ready to meet a nice fella. looks like i have a little pre-mature spring fever upon me. that's cool. i was so anti-boy/relationship for the last 5 months or so, that i guess it's healthy to crave some attention again. and what better time to go for it then spring?!? good thing though, is that i do get to cut off the tail end of winter. i'll be in sunny california for a month, dreaming of good things to come when i return to ny. i'm one lucky lady.

it's for the children

i've spent the last couple weeks giving my time to a couple cool organizations of which i'm now involved: Inner City Outings and CampInteractive. they are doing great work with underprivileged kids around the city (from schools in harlem to homeless shelters), giving them the opportunity to have awesome outdoor adventures while teaching them to appreciate nature. pretty neat stuff.

anyway, i've been helping organize their upcoming fundraising event and it's really coming together. we're giving 130 kids from around the city the opportunity to go ice skating for the first time at the famous rockefeller center. pretty cool. so here's my plea for you to help support a kid! :)

i realize most of you reading this don't live in NYC and can't come to the skating event (or the groovy after party) but it would be pretty cool if you wanted to donate some cash to the cause (all proceeds will go to future programs for the kids). sorry to promote here, but i thought it couldn't hurt.

if you want to give, simply click here, select a desired amount, and click that button which takes you to the easy to use paypal option (minimum amount is only $30). ok, that's my plea for the day. thanks to any of you who do donate. the kids of NYC appreciate it!!!

the results are in

i think she nailed it. go margie!!
an updated version of jane fonda's "klute" hair. i didn't want my bangs starting from the back of my head. nor did i want it too carole brady-ish, all thinned out towards the back. i think what i got was just what i wanted.
what do you think??

the test of a good stylist

what better way to "move on" from a bad boy situation and feel good about myself, then to get a new hair cut? girls have been known to cut their hair when they've had a break-up--a symbolic way of "cutting the man out." i've done it before and it always does wonders for the psyche. and no, i haven't had an actual break-up, but after a year long crush on a dude i think grants me permission to "cut" him out too.

that being said, i found my cut and i'm testing my hair stylist today if she can pull it off. upon amy's recommendation, i rented the film klute last week. great 70s flick. the story was good, jane fonda's character was excellent, cool new york backdrop, etc, etc, but all i could really pay attention to was jane's kickass hair do. and this is the hair i want:



i will post a photo of my new hair when i get back to see how close it comes. mind you, i don't want the exact same thing going on... mostly just the bangs. is margie (the stylist) up to the test?

we'll find out in a matter of hours...
stay tuned.

a lesson in humility

we met in what some might say, a fate-ish way. across the pond years ago, then reunited totally randomly last year.
i've had a crush on X for a long time. a little too long. it's actually kind of pathetic how long. it started out as innocent flirtation, then a minor hook-up, and then a big boo-boo on my part. i screwed it up. and i'll admit that. but we managed to stay friends, even though i still had a crush. it worked because we didn't see each other much (out of sight, out of mind). then i ended up in a relationship and so did he.

many months later, we simultaneously ended each relationship the same weekend. weird? i thought so. he wanted to hang out right away and i wasn't having it. i had JUST ended a relationship and needed some me time. i've come to grips with the fact that this guy is a serial monogamist (not my favorite trait in a fella, but i still couldn't help my crush). after my alone time i was ready to hang out with the crush but he got all wishy-washy and flake-ish on me. i couldn't figure it out. did he like me? didn't he? i spent way too much time obsessing over the situation and creating fantasy senarios that always ended in bliss. but alas, spending time together never came to fruition. and yet again, i tried to forget about him.

but that is not the end my friends. i saw him last week. i knew he would be at said place and told myself before going not to care. stay aloof. be strong. but at first glance, all those feelings came rushing back. i was like a freakin school girl, all giddy and stupid and fumbling with my words. what the hell? i was stronger than that, wasn't i? apparently not. my heart got all fluttery as i watched him working the room. and when he paid attention to me, forget about it. i was a ball of mush.

we ended up hanging out all night long and it was flirtation central. i thought it was on. there were others there so i couldn't get the initimate details of what his current dating situation was... i just figured since our connection seemed so strong, he was single, like me. and in my fantasy world created the following day, we were going to be together real soon.

so i waited by the phone, sure he would be calling any time now to hang out. and i waited. and WAITED. was he going back to his flakey ways? no! we got along so well the other night, it couldn't be! so i waited some more. maybe he was busy or something. UGH! the waiting game was killing me and i couldn't take it anymore. i had to act.

so i took all the strength i could (it's a general rule that i never call. i'm old fashioned that way) and picked up the phone to ask X out. i thought sure this one was in the bag. i could feel it.

ring, ring.
"hello?"
"hi, it's megan."
"oh...hey."
"what are you doing?"
"i'm in boston"
"oh! what are you doing in boston?"
"i'm visiting my girlfriend."
D'OH!!!!!!

i fumbled all over myself again. i must have been bright red in the face. that was literally the last thing i expected to hear and didn't know what to say or do. so i blurted it out.

"oh, well, heh heh, nevermind about what i was about to ask you."
"what?"
"uh, um, er... well, i've had a crush on you for a while now and i was going to ask you out. so uh, nevermind."
nervous laughter.
stupid small talk ensued (of which i completely blocked out) and all i wanted to do was get off the phone. and that's what i did.

i felt like a complete asshole. never have i put myself out there like that. i felt totally defeated at the time. but at the end of the day, i understand that it's good i said it. i got it out and feel better for it. i no longer have to supress the crush. it's out in the universe and hopefully now i can really move on.

i'll just have to avoid him at all costs.